Hello, I'm really sorry, I have no idea how to start this message, this is so important to me...
I really want your advice on how I can ask out this girl at school who I have a crush on. Right now we're both 15 years old, in Year 11, and I've liked her since this time last year, and that has grown into me having very strong feelings for her at present. Sorry if that sounds creepy, I just struggle to describe my emotions.
So yeah, I've liked her for a year pretty much, and I remember having a crush on her for like a fortnight back in Year 9. However, back then I got to know this other girl, and we kinda fell for each other, at least as much as you can aged 13–14.
I was in a relationship with this other girl twice, but both times were a complete failure as I was too frigid and childish, and had no idea how to act as a boyfriend. Basically, she wanted to kiss and stuff, but I remained oblivious to her hints because I didn't know I that they were hints due to my inexperience, which just led to her getting frustrated and 'letting me down gently', and telling me she wasn't ready for a relationship because of some problems which had arisen in other aspects of her life. Of course at the time I appreciated and respected that. Unfortunately, I later found that she wasn't telling the whole truth, as literally 3 weeks later she started going out with this other boy, and they make no secret that they still enjoy a very intimate relationship, let's say.
I also found out that she wanted out of the relationship with me because of my frigid-ness and not as much her own problems. Obviously all this dealt a painful blow to my already extremely low confidence, and caused me to have high levels of self-loathing, because she was the first person I really had feelings for. I wouldn't say we were in love but we liked each other a lot anyway. To date she remains the closest I've had to a 'proper' girlfriend.
I know this isn't strictly all relevant, but I just thought it might help you to have some details of my history with girls and why my self-confidence is so mediocre.
So, as much as I possibly can hope to, I've put my past failures behind me. And now there's this other girl who I really like a lot. I know that this is easy to say when one has a crush on someone, but I've had these feelings for well over a year now, so I really strongly believe that this is more than a crush. My feelings for her have only got stronger. And I just feel that there's something... something about her, something that I didn't feel with my previous girlfriend. This girl I like, she's just so... wonderful. I know that this is SOOOO cliché, but to me words simply cannot describe how amazing she is. She's smart, funny, friendly, considerate, kind, beautiful, interesting, and she actually laughs at my jokes(!)
I should imagine that you know where this is going – now what I'm yearning to do is to ask her to be my girlfriend. There's just one problem - no, actually there's 2. Firstly my confidence: it's virtually non-existent. Secondly there's asking her out. I haven't a clue how to go about doing it.
So I guess firstly I want to ask how I can get my confidence up. When I say it's non-existent, that really is no exaggeration! Lack of confidence and being nervous was actually one of the main factors in my failures in the previous relationship, and it's not exactly improved since then. I've tried everything I can think of – telling myself I'm being silly, telling myself that being nervous and having little confidence will lead me to make the very mistakes I'm dreading – but nothing works!
Worst of all, my lack of confidence and excess of nerves has made it impossible for me to pluck up the courage to attempt any progress in asking this girl out. Indeed, it's taken over 2 months to get the confidence to send this message! I also have a very negative perception if myself, with regards to how I look and my social status. ('Goody Two Shoes' and 'Nerd' are some of the kinder terms I've heard used.) That's partly what I was really hoping you could help me with: getting my confidence up to an acceptable level in all aspects of my life. Is there anything I can do?
And then there's the asking of the question, the question that could potentially be one of the biggest I ever ask. I'm guessing that walking right up to her tomorrow or whenever and asking her out won't score me too many points or give me much of a chance, if any, of her actually saying yes. So I'm thinking that maybe I need to try to get to know her, determine if she's interested, and pick the right moment? Naturally it's probably not that simple!
This is probably a good time to give you a bit more background info. So like I said, we're both Year 11, and in different tutor groups but on the same side of the year. We are in 3 of the same subjects together, amounting to 10.5 hours of lessons a week most of the time. Unfortunately I don't currently sit near her in any of them.
I would describe us as acquaintances, classmates. We've talked on Facebook a few times, but not for long. I used to sit next to her in Science, and we talked a lot then, and she seemed to enjoy my company, at least as much as one can whilst also concentrating on the interesting lesson! I told a few jokes, and she laughed a bit, so that was nice. She's also quite into animals, so I think she was impressed when I went on what was described by a friend as my 'grand moral speech' when I questioned a video our teacher showed us about animal testing.
For what it's worth, this other boy (in her tutor group) who sat on our table was joking around one day and pretended that she had been talking about me in Tutor Time earlier that day. She blushed a little, and denied it. I dismissed his jibes as a reference to my status as 'uncool'. However, 5 minutes later he kind of half whispered asking her if she would go out with me if the opportunity arose. She said that she thought I was really sweet but no. I think that this was in the knowledge that I could hear, but they might have assumed otherwise. Surely 'sweet' must count for something?
Another thing is that she was telling us that her friends were setting her targets of getting a boyfriend... Does that mean anything for my chances? I'd obviously want her to say yes because she liked me, not just to prove something to her friends.
Anyway, since then I haven't really managed to have anything resembling a proper conversation in person, and that time of sitting together was months ago, partly again due to my low confidence.
I remember last Christmas I vowed to myself to ask her out by her birthday in mid-April, and well... you can guess how that plan went. I never plucked up sufficient courage.
So now I really want to do something about this. I want to be able to pluck up the courage, and to at least achieve letting her know how strongly I feel about her. She really is very special to me.
What I want to know is, how can I do this? As I said, I'm guessing that getting to know her and starting to talk beforehand will be key, but how exactly do I go about this? And then when I feel ready and I somehow have improved confidence, how do I actually ask her out? I desperately want to get this right, as I really do like her and want to give myself every chance of getting a yes from her. I want to pick the perfect moment and ask in the perfect way for my perfect girl. What advice can you give me?
Now I really want to say thanks in advance! I'm really sorry that this message is so long, it's just this is so important to me and I've been worrying about asking her to be my girlfriend for ages. I'm desperate not to make the same mistakes I made with my first girlfriend. Thanks so much for your time and help – I can't tell you how much I appreciate it! I look forward to reading your reply, and I hope you're enjoying your day!