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Me and my boyfriend have been rubbing each other. We want to stop. Any tips?

Q.
Me and my boyfriend have been rubbing each other a lot to the point where he makes me orgasm. We want to stop but we get horny and it's just too hard so we always go back to it... Any tips?
A.

Hi there and thanks for getting in contact with us. I wonder why you guys want to stop. Are there issues around chastity, guilt, or fear of STIs or pregnancy?

It's quite normal at your age to be feeling sexual—it's a normal part of human development. It's also very normal to masturbate. Most people masturbate, even those who are married or in long term relationships. It can be a way of feeling satisfied, releasing stress and feeling pleasure. People masturbate for many different reasons and as long as it's in private there is nothing wrong with it.

Over here in Australia, about 78% of young people your age are doing something sexual, but are not necessarily having penetrative vaginal sex. Just because you are feeling horny doesn't mean you are about to have sex. However, if that's what you are worried about, then maybe you guys need to talk about the risks of this happening and get prepared, so talk about birth control and come up with some rules, if you don't want to actually have sex yet.

When you say rubbing each other, do you mean touching each other's exposed (naked) genitals (masturbation)? Or are you rubbing against genitals with clothes on (dry humping)? Dry humping is the safest way of having sexual pleasure because there is no exchange or contact with the other person's genital skin or sexual body fluids (i.e. semen, or vagina/cervical secretions) and therefore no risk of pregnancy or sexually transmissible infections (STIs).

The risk through mutual masturbation is low too, but not as low as dry humping because clothes are off, genital skin is being touched and if the other person then touches themselves straight away, there is a theoretical risk that an STI like a wart virus or gonorrhoea could be passed on this way. However, like all STIs, 1 person has to have the infection to be able to pass it on to the other.

You can't always tell that people have an STI because some don't have symptoms, so at the end of the day, it's just about thinking about safety. So, no touching of the penis on the outside of the vagina without a condom on because as soon as a penis is rubbed on outside of another person's genitals there is a STI risk.

Also, guys release some fluid before they ejaculate called pre-cum. This has sperm in it—not as much as in ejaculatory fluid, but it only takes 1 sperm to make fertilisation happen so it's not worth the risk. So, if the pre-cum was pushed somehow into the vagina (say with fingers), it could cause pregnancy. The same may happen if a guy "came" on the outside of the vagina. If you then fingered yourself for example, you could push some of that semen into the vagina, which could then lead to pregnancy.

Hopefully I have given you some info to think about and have answered your question. Have a look at the websites I have given you below for more. Good luck and take care.

Last modified: 10th August 2011
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