I had been dating this girl for just over a year, and i had been best friends with her for 3 years. I always really liked her, and when we finally started going out i was so so happy.

Although, she was fairly promiscuous before we started actually dating. And she told me everything that happened (because we were best friends). That was confronting, and it hit me hard once we started going out because i did get anxious and self-conscious about it at the time, because i knew it all in such detail, and she enjoyed it so much.

There was this one particular guy though. She had been 'friends with benefits' for a while with him. Once we started going out, she told this guy they wouldn't be seeing each other anymore. He wasn't happy. He kept talking to her all throughout the relationship, constantly asking for sex, and i hated it. I hated it more than anything. It made me sick. She promised me nothing would ever happen with him, and she did make me trust her.

Apart from that, i loved our relationship. It was so amazing. She was the only girl i could be myself around. I loved cuddling with her, acting all weird, and being able to love her more than anything. She meant the world to me. She was so damn beautiful. To me, she was absolutely perfect.

About 7 months into our relationship however, she suddenly started talking about open relationships. Not that we should be in one, but that she thinks she could do it in the future---have meaningful sex with her partner, and meaningless sex with other guys.

I hated that. I hate the thought of someone i care so much about sleeping with someone else. Doing something that to me is special because only i can do it to her. And she was all for that. She respected my opinion. I was 100% monogamous, and she was i suppose a bit iffy.

A week later, she's on her facebook and i see a message on her facebook from this guy, which is very very very dodgy. I couldn't help but open it, and it was my worst nightmare. The day before, she had sex with this guy who had been asking for it the whole time.

It was heartbreaking. I was so badly hurt. I felt like i should end it, but i couldn't. I loved her too much. I decided to try to go on. She hated herself for it, and wanted to do everything to make it up to me.

After that, she did nothing that upset me like that at all, but i was still hurt, and my trust was heavily damaged. I was in emotional pain throughout the rest of our relationship for the next 7 months.

Towards the end, i was scared of talking about it with her, because she felt bad that i was always so down because of her. Whenever i was upset though, she could see it in me, but then got angry, because i was scared of telling her why i really was angry. So in the end, she was upset because i was upset.

I hardly ever saw her, and things went really stale. This really upset me. It stressed me out a lot, because i still loved this girl more than anything in the world, but i knew in my head i had to break it off so i did.

It was so hard. And i have gone through every emotion ever since. (I'm writing this about 3 weeks after breaking up.) I am so sensitive whenever i speak to her, which isn't very often now. I feel like she is trying to make me feel bad, by talking about all that is great in her life. How her social life is booming and she's got new amazing friends and whatnot, while i'm here, with no one, because she was my best and only real friend.

I don't know if i'm over-thinking it, but i wonder if she is being rude and saying all that stuff to make me jealous. But at the same time, i really miss it. I miss how we used to be, when we were so happy together and everything felt amazing. I miss having her as a friend, having someone to talk to. I miss it so much, but i am scared of ever getting into another relationship with anyone, because i'm scared i might because cheated on or lied to again.

So yeah. That's my rant. Any thoughts would be really appreciated. I wish the best in all of your futures :)

I have had a tough time being a teenager so far. It might not have been as bad as some other people's but to do it on my own has been really hard.

In year 7 I got bullied a lot. No one really seemed to like me and I didn't have any friends. I don't really remember what they said exactly but most of it was really hurtful stuff. Sometimes they would slap me and kick me but I mostly got verbally bullied. I found this type of bullying quite hard because it has stayed in my head.

I went to see the principal and deputy principals etc. but they didn't really help much. They tried to help me through it instead of stopping the bullies, so the bullies just carried on doing what they did best.

In year 8, school got a little better. I was still at the same school but things sort of stopped. I still found things hard but it was definitely better. I had a good teacher and some pretty good, loyal friends.

I moved to an all-girls' high school in year 9. It was so much better. I made some amazing friends and it was generally a great year. But things from my old school were still hanging over my head.

I remember one day there was a program about bullying on TV and it was about how a girl killed herself because of the bullies. I couldn't help myself but cry. I guess it was then when it hit me and my parents just how bad the bullying was. My dad offered to take me to get professional advice but I said that I would be okay.

When I was older and more mature at the start of year 10, that is when the true effects of what had happened in my life started to take their toll. I realised that I'm not the prettiest person, that I am overweight and that I am not the most loveable person to be around.

Things started getting worse. I had sort of forgotten about what had happened in year 7 but the effects of what had happened were still looming over me.

I am now around half way through year 10. All of my friends around me are getting boyfriends and going out and having fun. I always complain to them about my image and not being able to get a boyfriend etc. but it's always in a joking sort of way because I don't want my problems to affect their lives. I do have trust issues with them in the sense that sometimes I cannot tell if some of them are truly my friends or not and I do ask them but I think they get a bit annoyed with me asking to be honest.

A couple of weeks ago I took a few depression tests online and they all said I am depressed. I haven't told anyone bar 2 of my closest friends. Both of them have been great in making sure that I am okay but I still feel like I am on my own in some ways. I do cry myself to sleep nearly every night, I do have panic attacks and I do think about killing myself lots of the time.

I don't know why I am like this but when I really think about it, I just want to feel loved. In the past, I have had so many issues with people not liking me and friendships being broken that all I want is one person that is there for me and who loves me for who I am. I just want to be happy.

Thanks for reading and sorry if it was long and boring. It feels good to let it out to be honest :) Thanks again :)

My boyfriend is the most awesome boyfriend in the world. He is so loving and nice.

The first time we kissed was like a fairytale. It was so romantic, and the way he held me close to him, I could tell he loved me like i love him.

We have been together for over 8 months now. Every moment i share with him, or am with him, i love him so much more. He is truly the best boyfriend i could have ever asked for :) I am so lucky to have someone love me like he does. I didn't think true love was possible until I met him.

My life is horrible (i think).

First of all, my family and i own this cafe in my hometown and my parents are ALWAYS there. They only care about the shop and we don't have anything to eat or drink at home (except water). My whole family constantly fight with each other, including me, every day.

I hate my school. I go to a catholic all-girls' school which is REALLY strict. My grades are getting low and my teachers are getting bitchier. I feel left out with my friends and the only time i am happy at school is when i am in maths class.

Even though i am young i am very mature for my age but can be childish.

I have been doing dancing at this dance school for about 8-9 years. At first i LOVED it but these past months have turning into a nightmare. I've become fatter. I used to be a favourite but now i'm always second choice and i fucken hate that. I feel alone there as well as at school. I never express my feelings but this website helps me feel like i belong.

I am not overreacting. This is real. I seriously don't know what to feel anymore. I have never been absolutely happy or sad. I just want to belong.

I am a 16 year old girl.

Last year I was diagnosed with severe depression and social anxiety. I was coping and doing really well for almost a year.

But now I have lost all progress. I want to die.

I hate everything about myself. I am disgusted in myself and my depression.

I have the best life: a wealthy and loving family, amazing and helpful friends and nothing ever goes wrong for me. Yet I am numb. I am full of so much hate for myself. I want to die.

There are people struggling to simply survive, yet they push on.

I am weak, stupid and selfish. I don't deserve a life.

I am sorry to everyone suffering; I hope you all get well. And never ever feel the way that I am feeling now.

Okay so I'm 14 years old and I'm pretty sure I'm a lesbian.

Growing up, I never thought about girls in that way because you weren't supposed to; girls are supposed to like guys.

I have one memory from when I was in 3rd grade from when my best guy friend tried to kiss me. I absolutely freaked out. I couldn't do it.

I always thought I was straight, until 7th grade when I met this girl. I can't quite explain what I felt, but it was this desperate need for her to like me. I had to be near her, and in my mind she was perfect.

Then came 8th grade, me still thinking I was straight. I even had a crush on a guy, but thinking back now the thought of actually kissing him grosses me out. I thought about that boy 24/7. That pretty much confirmed that I was straight in my eyes, but when talking to him I never tried flirting or anything. I felt like a friend, like I do around all guys.

This year I entered 9th grade. I found myself desperate to find a guy to like, so I could be normal. Problem was i would be walking down the hallway thinking why can't guys be as pretty as girls?

About halfway through the year I fell hard for this other girl who was on the softball team with me. Problem was, she was a senior and I was a freshman. She was almost always on my mind. I found myself talking to her the same way I did in 7th grade. I wanted her to care about me. Whenever I played I was always trying to impress her. It hurt so much because I knew she was a lesbian, but I knew we would never work out.

I felt like I had to keep this deep dark secret from everyone. That I was different and that wasn't good. I didn't want anyone to feel awkward around me. I found myself looking at girls' butts and I couldn't feel more awkward. I was afraid someone would find out my secret.

I realised I needed someone to talk to, so I wouldn't feel so alone. I prayed to God to help me find someone to talk to, someone who would listen. That day one of my friends told me she was gay. I couldn't believe it. My prayer had been answered.

When I was on the bus after school that day I typed up a message pretty much telling her that I was gay. My hand paused before hitting the send button. I was still scared of being regretted, of being looked down on. She of course accepted me with open arms, and is always there when I need to talk. Maybe a month after I told my first person, I told a few people on the softball team. One of whom told the rest of them for me. They all accepted me with open arms.

I still haven't told some of my closest friends, because I'm scared of how they will react. Most of them are pretty religious, and I'm not sure how they will feel about it. My mom might know, but she might not, but I'm scared to tell her in person. My dad can be a homophobe sometimes so that kinda freaks me out. I just haven't reached the point where I can tell the people closest to me yet.

Okay I'm 17 years old. I was kicked out of home 5 weeks back. I was couch surfing for about a week before i moved in with family friends.

While living with them i was offered an airbrushing apprenticeship from an old mate. He wanted me to sign out of school and go on the dole before moving up there. The day i signed out of school he decided to message me saying that the apprenticeship was no longer on.

So now i'm still with the family friends but i can't be here for much longer. I need to move and get an education. My school won't let me back in as i'm 17 and they don't have to. So yeah i'm pretty well fucked.

My mum and dad always fight so much. I always muck up in class and one day the teacher gave me a suspension cause she was sick of me, so i cut my arm. I got off suspension but they sent my home for week. I was left alone at home.

My dad or mum don't have jobs so i grabbed all the money i could find over the week and to someone's place. I planned to run away, but mum found out, so i cut myself. Now i have to go see a psychologist and i hate it.

But then i found all these swearing raps and i liked them. So i made my own raps up about drugs for a joke. Then someone actually offered me marijuana and i smoked it and now i just want to kill myself.

My life is actually pretty good... it just doesn't feel like it. Like, my family loves me. I do okay at school. And i have good friends. But i'm just rarely happy.

About a year ago i started cutting. It was just experimental, but i found it helped more than anything. Any time i am stressed or upset it's all i want to do. And afterwards i hate myself for it... but i won't stop.

I feel like i'm being a drama queen because normally the stories of self-harm are from someone who is being abused or bullied or something like that. Which makes me feel worse, and selfish and everything... making me upset... thus cutting. It's a twisted circle that i can't seem to break. Sometimes i don't actually want to break it.

It's something that's always there, when i can't face my friends or family, when nothing else seems right. This is on top of throwing up after eating... something that my friend only just convinced me that was bulimia. I just saw it as occasional for so long... but i haven't stopped. It works better than facing everything.

I've never done anything great. Everyone I know has such a good story and then you go to me and find nothing.

Two I know have fought and won against cancer. My mother had children when she was told it was impossible. She also got into a car crash and was told she would never walk again but still beat the odds. She grew up in the worst of places with a sister on major drugs. A sister who is now clean, a mother, and a lovely woman in general.

My dad grew up dirt poor and still is able to joke and laugh about it even though his life was put in the line on multiple occasions. A boy I know had been told he had a disease that would leave him in crutches and likely a wheelchair for the rest of his life. But he is the most athletic person I know and doesn't have crutches or anything of the type.

Someone I know of got out of Russia during WW2 by pulling a hand cart with her family and then moved to America for saving.

But when I look at myself, there's no story. Absolutely nothing that could be counted as great.

My whole life I've been hidden in shadows. In fact I had never even had a real friend until 4th grade. Until then, I was miserable. Keeping quiet, doing whatever I was told, and fantasising about my death. Honestly it was so sad that even then I wanted to kill myself.

That year I met a wonderful girl. She had the biggest imagination and would always make me feel alive. Then I moved and never saw her again.

Things relapsed until I met another outsider. She was the same as me, loved books and was always left alone. Soon after meeting her in 5th grade, I met a boy. I might have really, truly fallen in love with him. He made me feel special, like I was needed. I've never felt that way before or any time after. I still think of him every day. But he moved and I never saw him again either.

In 6th grade me and my 5th grade friend remained friends but I then met another girl. We became inseparable. That year was the best one in my life so far. I was so happy.

Then 7th grade happened. My new friend and I are distant. I no longer feel welcome or accepted around her, it all just changed. It still hurts to see her every day and not talk to her.

My 5th grade friend and I are still friends. And that is my life up til now.

Okay, I'm 15 nearly 16. I went out with this guy that i liked, for about 3 months. I really liked him but not enough to keep the relationship going without feeling miserable about lying to him, so I broke up with him.

I felt really bad for breaking up with him, so when he asked if we could still be friends i agreed with him. We left it for about 5 days, and then things kinda went back to how they were before but with a few more boundaries.

It was about 5 since we broke up. And we talked nearly every day.

He went away for 2 weeks and I realised that i didn't need to talk to him, and when i did it blurred boundaries for me.

I stopped talking to him for a bit. He then asked me what was wrong and if we could still be friends. I knew the answer i wanted to say was "no" but i didn't want to hurt him. So i gently hinted at it during our conversation.

He then said he doesn't think we should be friends. I agreed with him, and he asked me why. I said I needed to focus on my school (which wasn't entirely true). What i didn't tell him was that i liked someone else and that having him around was making me confused and a little bit more than sad.

I want to say that to him, but i don't want to hurt him again. I don't know what to do, but he won't leave me alone.

This guy texted me one day saying he's bored but asked me out. I said yes because i had a crush on him for a while.

I told my BFF and she was happy for me. But he told everyone we were dating.

After a while people were like "why are you dating her? She's ugly" and he told me this. He told me that the guy who had said it was jealous and mad at him because he thought he made them angry. I was kind of mad because no one had really ever called me that before.

A few days after that happened this really nerdy kid and this other guy who barely knows me were talking about me. "Why are you dating her? You could do better." It was kind of mean but i'm starting to think maybe i should break up with him because i really don't like all of this drama...

Hey there. I am 14 years old and i get bullied. People are always saying stuff to me, like you're fat, ugly, slut etc. Because of the bullying, i get stressed and want to do something to make the pain and stress go away.

I searched around on the internet one day hoping i would get an answer to make my stress go away. Someone said to cut yourself. I thought it was a good idea so i tried it. I did it a couple of times and realised what i'd done. I was shocked at myself but felt happy once i had done it.

But then it became like a drug. Every time i was angry or stressed i would cut myself.

I really want to stop myself from doing it and tell someone but because of the bullying it's made me worried. If i tell someone i cut myself will they think i'm a freak?

I want someone to help me through this and give me the confidence i need but i'm too scared to because i think they might judge me.

I have tried to stop myself though by drawing a butterfly where i cut myself and it has worked. But i really want to talk to someone. But i am still scared.

I've liked this boy ever since the beginning of 6th grade.

When I first saw him I knew he was one for me. We often had small talk in the hall or after class work but nothing more. Then I started to really fall for him.

Now being in 7th grade and loving him much more, I had to find out why he wouldn't go out with me, so I asked him. I said "Hey remember last year when you wouldn't go out with me, why wouldn't you?'' Then he told me he was gay! :'(

I mean, I guess i kinda knew from the start, I was just hoping he wasn't, just so I could have some kind of love for him still. But now, I've fallen for him more than any other boy I've liked before. I picture him kissing me and hugging me over and over again, wishing that it would happen. Even when I masturbate now, he's on top of me in my mind.

If only he wasn't gay I'd be the happiest girl alive.

Okay so it all kind of started a year ago when I was 13 and he was 15. We were really close friends and he is just a fun person all around. So i had a crush on him but he had a girlfriend at the time (he lost his virginity to this girl). And i never really said anything.

Our birthdays are 2 days apart and we always celebrated together.

When he turned 16 he asked me if i liked him which of course i said yes to. He told me he had strong feelings for me to. We started dating and made the decision to have sex. He is so sweet and goofy and we are just alike so i knew i wanted it to be with him. He was nervous because he didn't want to hurt me. We had sex and all that.

The 2nd time he told me the condom had broken. I worried about it and we had a big talk about what would happen if i was pregnant. We saw no signs so i kind of dismissed it. But i hadn't gotten my girl thing after 2 months so i called my best friend and he brought me a test.

My boyfriend wants to keep the baby and so do i. We know we are young but i just wouldn't be able to give the baby away. I don't know how to tell my mom and dad though. I cried at first but i realise i can't change what happened.

Some people cut because it's the only way to stay in control, the only way to keep themselves from losing it, from losing control, from going completely mad. Some people hate themselves more than u could ever imagine and others hate the ones around them.

I think the only way to let out the anger inside is to let it bleed out. It's like i have this anger and hurt inside me and as i bleed it is slowly leaving my body. I feel calm and relaxed. I feel more in control and more like a normal person. I can almost remember what it was like to be normal with a normal life and normal friends and average grades.

But then i slowly remember that it's not like that anymore. I remember that i'm not normal, that i'm a freak, that i'm not like everyone else and that i'm a stupid selfish bitch and that maybe it would be better if i just disappeared. As i feel myself losing control i cut and feel the anger and pain slowly seep out again and the whole process continues until i eventually find other ways to let it out and i somehow feel somewhat normal again.

But the scars are still there. I still feel the urge to cut but i am stronger and i can stop myself now. I have grown accustomed to the pain but i know that eventually i will lose control again so i get thinking and i start again, unable to stop myself. Well what's the point anyway? I was going to start sometime anyway. I was going to have to go near a knife one day right?

I have so much to say I have no idea how to begin. But I'm not so worried about my grammar and I hope you don't mind either. So I'll start from the beginning.

I've always been very shy and self-conscious, so she's the one who asked for my number haha! And I thought nothing of it...

But before I tell you that I gotta go backwards a bit. Before my amazing girlfriend, I've been hurt and used by a few other girls. So I was DONE with being in a relationship with anybody. So when my girlfriend asked for my number I definitely thought she was so attractive! But I never thought it would become anything serious and I had no intentions of having a relationship at the time (because of those other girls).

So because I was so shy I was just being casual. I admit I did test her a little to see if she really had an interest in being my friend, bcuz honestly I thought she was only talking to me because she felt sorry for me. Then I came to realise she was interested in me! And I began to think she was just desperate for a friend, which it turned out she was. Her previous "boyfriend"/crush was a total dick to her and she had heard from another one of friends that I, myself was a good friend to have.

So as we started talking I learned that she modelled, which would explain her beauty! But that also made me feel even more like a loser, and I never thought that we would end up together. But we began to talk every day and we became best friends. We told each other everything and anything. And I still remember the day we first held hands (and of course me being the shy one, she grabbed my hand).

After that I knew she had feelings for me and it totally caught me by surprise so I wasn't so sure if I liked her yet. Sure enough she convinced me she wouldn't hurt me like the other girls had. And I quickly fell head over heels for this girl and she is AMAZING!

But that's not all I was wanting to say... I remember how detrimental our first fight was. I would never ever hurt her---she is the love of my life. But her insecurities were fuel the arguments, from that boy who treated her like a piece of gum---throw it away after it's no good.

And believe me I had many insecurities myself. I never thought as myself as any good, to anyone. Probably because of those girls who used me. I would always call myself a loser in front of my girlfriend and she grew to hate when I did that. She would always lift me up. She was the best at making me feel better (after all she is my best friend). And she said i am the best thing that has ever happened to her. And that no matter what anyone thinks (people think I am a loser) she will always love me for who I am. And I saw that my insecurities hurt our relationship. So I gave them up.

I do admit I still get jealous, but that's only because I'm scared she will leave me for a better guy, which she says is impossible. But I'm still working on that. But I rarely bring myself down anymore and it was great to be at the height of our relationship.

But lately, our fights have been more frequent. She blames it on her period, but I know it's because of the insecurities she has, that she will not give up so easily. She fears the same thing I did. That I will leave her. So she's tried to get me to leave her by her choice instead of mine. And believe me I'm not like other guys: I'm not a player, not a user, and I will never leave my girlfriend.

And she doesn't trust me like she used to. She hates herself so much and it makes me want to cry. I know that the hate she has for herself is the reason she won't let go of her insecurities. She thinks she's ugly and she's afraid that once we get married and I see her with no make-up and all that, that I will be disgusted and leave.

This is the topic of every fight we have. I argue that I won't leave and she is so scared that she will be hurt again and I swear that I love her more than my own life and that will never happen.

We've been together for almost 2 years and I'm hoping to marry her in another 3. But I can't let her keep hating herself. She needs to trust me to love her. We are both madly in love and I'm even surprised she's put up with me this long. I need her---she's my best friend and I treasure her with all that i have---but her insecurities hurt our relationship. Every time I tell her how I feel she takes it the wrong way because she hates herself so much and she thinks I'm trying to hurt her. We kiss and we hold each other, and when that happens it's like nothing can break us apart and nothing ever will, but as soon as she focuses on that pain the other guy gave her, it's like I'm going to do the same, and she thinks I will hurt her. She is such a blessing and it would be stupid of me to hurt someone so precious to me.

Everything about her is perfect. Her lips are so kissable, her body is so small and it's good because I am not ur big, buff bodybuilder-type either. She thinks she needs big breasts to be beautiful but I want her to be happy with the way she is now. She has the cutest booty (haha sorry) and beautiful eyes. Her hair is sexy and she is so wonderful to cuddle. We have lots of pet names for each other. My favourite she calls me is babycakes! And I call her loverlips and many more. Her hands fit perfectly in mine and she has the cutest giggle in the world. She also gives the best kisses and hugs. And it's a God-given miracle that both her parents and her older brother love me! And all of her animals. But I haven't met her horse yet... (yeah her dad is rich).

She really is the love of my life. My girlfriend and I are going to be together forever.

I grew up in a tough world. When i was 9 i began to understand what life at home and school was like.

At home it was tough. I would get into constant yelling, comparing to others and the "i hate you why were you born" situation with my mum. After the situations with my mum i would start to cry and she would threaten to kill me if i cried. My parents divorced soon after my 10th birthday and i felt sad and angered that i would never have the father who i used to trust.

At school it was really depressing for me. I had no friends. Then i started to have some---as many as 3---but soon after that my mum made me move schools and that was when bullying began. I was in year 6 with no friends. All my friends from my old school started to go separate ways from me and i was left alone. I wasn't happy at school and i didn't like school either. I would get left out of group activities and sometimes be the last one picked. I would eat alone at recess and lunch and i would get called names that were so mean :(

I started began being suicidal soon after. I wrote constant notes and letters but my mind was set on killing myself yet.

Home life was still difficult for me at this time. My mum hated me more than ever. I wouldn't get enough sleep---the most was 4 hours---since i was crying so much. My little sister started teasing me like "you're a nobody". The constant yelling started to get more threatening and my mum would yell at me in the car all the way to school. I would get headaches and injuries at school but my mum didn't care. I had to spend life caring for my pain and suffering. I would go to school bruised, red and sometimes sick. Teachers would ask if i was okay but i would ignore them and walk away.

In high school my old friend came back to me. My life started to brighten like sunshine but when i saw her with the bully that i knew so well and avoided, my heart sank. Tears came out of my eyes but i decided to just make friends. But soon after in year 8, my best friend got taken away from me. My friend group got bigger. I was called a pest, a midget, a dog and eventually got kicked out of the group.

I started self-harming soon after and would constantly go to school bruised and battered. Teachers were worried but i smiled like nothing had happened. But behind my smile laid a big lie. No one knew.

Home life got tenser. Tension between my mother and i became more constant. I would cry for no reason. I would cry until i could not see. I started to think if i was invisible no one would care and i would live a better life. My mum also got more physically involved in the argument---i got beaten once.

By the end of year 11 i had no friends and no father. My mother got more emotionally abusive towards me and i would be isolated. My life started to become a brick wall. I was building the wall with my sadness, anger and unworthiness.

One day i found out about kids helpline and my life began breaking down the little pieces of the wall i created.