The new kid
Well it all started when i moved from Sydney to a smallish coastal town. From what i was used to it was/is still small.
2002: first day. I was really nervous, new school and all, first day. I thought, maybe i'll make some new friends. Well, turns out that looking back on it now in 2010, Year 10, that they might have been jealous of me.
Went into class, well, not exactly we. Nobody wanted to sit next to me. Lunch came and someone asked me if i wanted to play soccer. I thought, great, i played it where i used to live, and we won the season. The guy who asked me if i wanted to play was supposedly the best player in the year. Well, turns out that i was better. Later we went back to class and then lunch again, played soccer, then class again then the buses home.
Turned out that he was my next door neighbour, and the next day i had the whole year against me. Nobody liked me except for this other kid who used to be and still did get bullied when i went there. But all i had people do every school day was bully me. At the end of Year 2 when we were cleaning up the classrooms, one of the other kids in my class pulled out two pairs of scissors and threatened me with them.
Finally after that day it was school holidays. I loved weekends, pupil-free days and most of all, holidays. I got away from the school. The teachers saw them picking on me, yet they did nothing. Anyway it would be the end of the weekend and all i would do was stay in my room playing with my toys like Lego and listening to music from then on. Blasting music into headphones has been my getaway from everything.
Then Year 3 got worse and Year 4 i would have to say was the worst of all because of being in more physical confrontations which i didn't defend myself in. A group of 5+ people against 1 measly child---c'mon. Well let's put it this way: i learned how to run really really fast, change directions really fast, and well i learned a little disappearing trick.
But halfway through that year we had a day in which i needed to go to use the toilet. That day they followed me in just as i was going to use the urinal. They started to push me in then after that they lifted me, took me into a cubical, pulled my shoe off, put it in the toilet then flushed. Then they ran out. I pulled my shoe out n walked with a soggy shoe all the way to the classroom, one shoe on one shoe off, everybody laughing and i was practically in tears. The teacher asked who it was---finally they couldn't just ignore my suffering---but it was too late, the damage had been done.
Since then i've had basically no confidence. That day they called my mum into the office. Mum, me and the principal talked about it. My mum had known about my problems at school for a while and that just finished it off. Since then i dreaded going into the school and hadn't ever used a school toilet.
Next term i moved to the local public school. The public school was a lot better and i already knew some people there.
Skip forward a year and a 1/2 and it's Year 7, 2007 orientation day. My dad---the religion co-ordinator for the school---drove me there instead of me taking the bus with my sister. I get there and we were supposed to all wait outside the resource centre. I just had a group of girls and boys come up to me all cheerfully and say, "Do you remember me?" I said the 1st thing that popped into my head: "Go F@#$ yourself and stay away from me."
They treated me like, well i can't think of any words that can explain it. I hated them so much and still do. My dad told all the teachers about my problems with basically my whole year, and since then he's told every teacher that comes just to watch out and don't be surprised if he just snaps at what someone says or does.
Well i still have some problems with them today in Year 10. I've told my dad that if anyone says anything about something that i don't want repeated i swear they'll be sorry.
My year to formal came up and well i didn't want to go and people kept asking why i didn't want to go. My response was that i'd rather be at home doing something i know that i'll be completely safe doing, with no-one who hates me. I can spend my time blasting my music, and doing things i love like cooking and my mountain bike.
People have been asking me if there's another reason, a truth behind all this, and my response is that people won't remember what they did, people won't remember what they said, but i will remember what they did, what they said, and what i felt.
To all those people out there who get bullied, there are always others in the same boat. There is always someone there to listen. You shouldn't be bullied.
I know people who have cut themselves over it and attempted suicide over it. I know people who are/have been depressed, including me at present. They bully because you're different. Eventually we win cause they want to be different. Eventually that's when we win.
People may say you're living in the past. Well we may be living in the past but they don't have things that are hard to forget. You shouldn't have to put up with it, it's not your fault.
Comments / Feedback
The good news: School does not last forever. Thank God. (And yes, later on some people will want to be different, instead of wanting to be just a cute little cookie-cutter flock of sheep [I mean wolves in sheep's clothing!].)
Hang in there. And remember...you're braver than they are. Cowards like to gang up on one lone kid! You're brave just for hanging in there that long...and not killing them or yourself or anyone else! You might want to get a punching bag or something like that, if you haven't already got one. You know, for when you feel like punching your attackers...you can punch the punching bag instead.
well dear girl sounds like those bullies have an inferiority complex and can't handle the fact that you are resilient. excuse my french, BUT! fuck em all. you know you are better than that. you will hold onto these experiences but don't do what i did. it made me a hardened person later in life, you know a pessimist.
don't let those bullies knock you down. I can tell from your letter you already know that. you have a good heart and strong convictions. stand tall girl. TOLERANCE is the key but if those bullies. be strong and make a stand. if nothing else do yourself the favour of BEING HEARD!!!!! DON'T BE SILENT and shut down or youll find you may shut YOURSELF OF FROM WHAT RELLY MATTERS TO YOU!!!!!!!!... BUT I DO BELIEVE YOU ARE RESILIANT AND HAVE SOME KIND OF SUPPORT NETWORK. USE THEM TO HELP YOU!!!