A long life ahead of me
I'm 15 now and my parents are very different.
When I was around 9 my dad hit me with his belt on the buckle side when my brothers were naughty. My dad doesn't believe it but he has an anger management problem and I'm worried that it is going to pass on to me and my brothers. As the saying goes, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree." I'm assuming in my case I'm going to end up like him but I don't want to even think that negatively.
He gets yelled at by my mum and then I get the blame. He told me that if his marriage ends it's my entire fault because I'm so naughty, when really it's his fault because you are a reflection of your parents. Every night I go to bed crying because I get tons of verbal abuse from my parents.
When I was 9 I got lots of physical abuse. I accidentally told my school when the principal called me up to his office and the DHS were there and I didn't know what to do. They asked what was it like at home and I told them, being an innocent child, meaning not knowing it was bad or what would happen to me after. That same day the same DHS people came to my house and only my mum was home. They had a talk to her and told her if we are ever treated that badly again they would take us away to a foster family.
In my high school the girls are of very small amount but the quality is horrible. I would be one of the most caring, loving, reliable, considerate girls there and all they do is ignore me. And use me and not invite me to things.
I'm not small as in height, I'm the tallest there and I'm not even the fattest there, I just get really dirty looks which brings my self-esteem down. Because there are such small numbers there is a "queen", who is always is followed around by the others but not me. When she gets into a fight with her best friend and the group disowns the best friend, then I'm there to help her be happy and not to worry about what the queen says.
I'm sure you're all thinking that this really isn't abuse. But really there is not one form of abuse---it comes in all shapes and sizes. In some cases it comes in one giant swing but in my case it's in really small parts which add up inside of me into one huge rage. I need to express myself but the girls at school are too stupid and yeah. That's my story.
Comments / Feedback
HI SUGAR, SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE A VERY LOGICAL THINKER. THAT'S GOOD. YOU KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE, SHIT AS THEY MAY BE, THAT YOU CAN RISE ABOVE IT. PARENTS QUITE OFTEN DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE EVERYDAY PRESSURES OF THEIR OWN AND UNFORTUNATELY LASH OUT OR "VENT" TO THOSE THEY KNOW BEST. YOU WILL FIND YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
MY PARENTS OFTEN WERE TROUBLED BY FINANCIAL TROUBLES. AND YES.. MANY A TIMES I WAS THE BRUNT OF THE VERBAL TONGUE LASHINGS. PARENTS FORGET HOW MUCH OF THEIR "VERBAL DIARRHOEA" MAKES AN IMPACT ON OUR IMPRESSIONAL MINDS. LETS FACE IT. THESE PEOPLE ARE OUR ROLE MODELS... WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO INSTILL IN US...!!
YOU WILL BREAK THEY CYCLE OF ABUSE BECAUSE YOU ARE LIVING IT. AND THE VERY FACT YOU ARE SPEAKING OF IT. YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT IS RIGHT FROM WRONG.
NOW, AS FOR YOUR PART-TIME FRIEND... I WONDER WHERE HER ALLIEGANCE REALLY LIES. ARE YOU HAPPY TO BE A STAND IN "SHOULDER TO CRY ON" OR WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW WHETHER SHE SHARES THE SAME RESPECT FOR YOU AS THE SO CALLED "QUEEN DIVA" WHEN SHE JOINS HER "CRUEL INTENTIONS" HIVE? ASK HER.
WHAT YOU ARE FEELING IS "BEING USED". ITS NOT NECESSARILY ABUSE BUT I THINK YOU ARE A CONVENIENCE AND ALWAYS THERE FOR ANYONE WHO HAS HIT A LOW SPOT PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE... YOU DESERVE REAL FRIENDS. AND IF YOU DON'T GET INVITED TO SPECIAL EVENTS, DON'T FRET. YOU ARE STILL YOUNG, THERE'S PLENTY OF TIME FOR THAT. YOU'VE GOT A GOOD HEAD ON YOUR SHOULDERS KIDDO AND YOU HAVE A GOOD HEART AND I BELIEVE YOU KNOW WHAT TRUE FRIENDSHIP REALLY MEANS. PS. I BELIEVE YOU WILL ALWAYS THERE FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE DOWN AND OUT. THAT'S AN AMAZING QUALITY. YOU'VE GOT A LOT GOING FOR YOU. CHIN UP. GO GIRL POWER!!!!