Here's the story.

I grew up with your "typical" family as you'd see on television: mum, dad, older brother, pet dog. Went to a public school, did my work, had friends, played sport and did general leisure activities like reading, video games, music, television and movies. I never really got hassled at school by bullies and whenever they tried they never got too far because I didn't "bite" and I suppose I looked like I could defend myself and always had a mates around that had my back.

When I was 12 something changed. I started to gain weight, I started high school, my grades slipped, I started to become a disappointment to my parents because of this and out on the sports oval on game I just stopped and thought "what am I doing? I don't like this, it's pointless and stupid." My coach saw this and couldn't believe it. In all his years of coaching and being a father he'd never seen anything like it.

A year later I ended up quitting sport and getting a job to get away from my home where my obligations had started to get to me (house chores, being the computer expert). I was saving every cent of my money because I had everything I wanted: a TV, CD player, access to the internet and my video games.

My friends started going to parties where alcohol was consumed and my parents forbade me to attend. I didn't really care as it didn't 100% interest me either...but I was slowly getting left out as my peers discussed the next week at school the parties they'd attended and what had happened.

My social circle remained the same but I became closer to the "good" kids and my grades returned to a nice constant level...not that it seemed to matter anymore. I had a job, had money, had skills and it was all just falling into place.

Eventually I graduated high school, got a "professional" full time job making good money and started attending university.

About half way through my studies I fell into another slump. I had only a few friends that I rarely saw due to my commitments and couldn't establish a relationship with a girl. I was depressed.

My "attitude" eventually got me kicked out of home. I started experimenting with "feel good" substances and going out to pubs/clubs more often, drinking. I ended up failing some units at university and one of my childhood friends died...all this in a time period of less than 6 months.

I ended up becoming interested in a girl my own age who had a lot in common with me but I couldn't tell how I felt because of the mess my life was in. So I cleaned up my act...but it was too late, she became involved with someone else.

This was approximately 2 years ago and I remain to this day in no man's land of having deep feelings for a girl that is involved, working and living alone. I no longer drink often and drugs now just represent a shady scene of risks.

I have no idea what to do. I have tried to "move on" but I can't. I'll probably get criticised for not believing in myself, but I am simply not attracted to anyone else and I've already accomplished major points in life (buying my own home, car, graduating university, travelling, seeing live music acts, making good with old friends and family...I'm even trying to get back into sports).

I feel...well, stuck and unstimulated. A huge void in my life. Things need improvement but where's the opportunity?

Wow...that was long.