A different person on the inside
In 6th grade I used to be so happy and fun. I'd always be the first one to talk to if you were sad and needed cheering up. I was on student council and everyone wanted to be my friend. There was this one girl though. She was always being rude to me and one day I got sick of it and asked her to stop. That really pissed her off and she started a hate club against me. Seriously.
About the middle of 6th grade I developed an eating disorder. I was pretty depressed. 7th grade was the first time I heard about cutting. I had a boyfriend who cut. Around then my parents were fighting more than ever. My dad would get mad at me for stuff I didn't do, I was getting bad grades and losing friends left and right. So I decided to cut. It felt so good, and now I can't stop. Now I'm in 8th grade and any time I feel mad or sad or anything, I cut. I just need an immediate release, and that's it.
I cry a lot and think about killing myself all the time. I don't think I would actually do it, I just think about it. I can't talk to my best friend about it because i try to be the strong one in the friendship. Lately that's been really hard. I could talk to my ex about it cuz he was a cutter. But I can't or else my parents would get pissed. So pretty much my only option is venting on here. Hope I didn't bore you to death with my long story.
A story is never too long if you are trying to express yourself.
I used to have the same suicidal thing as you. The thinking about killing myself, but not believing I could do it. Again, I also had the two-faced life. Like, nobody but me knew what I was going through because I knew that if I told anybody, they would ground me and never trust me again. BTW, this is bull, cause who grounds a person who is suicidal?
The worst thing for me was to be inside my own head, which I unfortunately was. What got me through was music. Not all the Katy Perry and Lady Gaga crap, but real music like Switchfoot and My Chemical Romance (two latest albums). These bands' lyrics have actual meaning as opposed to just "OOH! Hot person! Gotta have sex!!"
I also used to self-harm. Seriously, it just made it worse. I got more depressed. Try going somewhere alone and just scream like all the people who have ever hurt you are standing in front of you. I really hope that this helps you. I would say sorry for the long comment, but see top :-)