I thought life was over for me. 7 years of depression. I'm happy now.
Well, I don't know where to start, so I'll just start....in the present.
Right now, I'm 16 years old and going into my junior year of high school. I'm happy now, done with all my anxiety and depression. I'm on medication, and it's working. I don't think I need it anymore, but that's beside the point.
I thought I'd never be able to say "I'm happy with where I'm at in life" but now I am. I am happy to be where I am in life. It may not be far, but it's true.
So rewind 7 years. I lived in New York with all my family. I loved everyone. My mom was 1 of 14, and my dad was 1 of 8. Yeah. Huge family. I used to have so much fun and I always enjoyed being around everyone.
At 9 years old, my mom and father sat my brother and I down at the dining room table and told us we were moving. This was the start of my depression. I don't remember much from this day other than hearing the words come out of my father's mouth, and me just instantly balling.
My mom asked me why I was crying. I was the one who loved change. Not this change. I instantly knew I wouldn't like this. Five months later, I'm here. Here in Florida with no family around me. I slowly become more depressed for the next 2 years. At age 11, I was diagnosed with depression. I didn't know much about it, and I didn't care. I wanted to be in New York.
My depression slowly gets worse over the next year. I'm 12, and I'm in 7th grade. I meet my best friend. I always secretly liked her, but girls still had cooties back then. She had her own depression, and her own depressed set of friends.
At the time, I hung out with her and her depressed friends and liked them. I thought nothing of it. They were more depressed than I, but I didn't care. What could happen?
Fast forward 2 more years into my freshman year of high school. All of those friends have moved away, and I am extremely depressed. I only have her as a friend now. I don't talk to anyone else really but her and her friends. I don't hang out with these people because I was recently hurt by all my friends moving away. I just hang out with my friend.
My depression slowly gets worse. I started therapy in my 7th grade, and I stopped it in my late 8th grade.
Fast forward into 10th grade, and over the last years, I've lost lots of family members due to cancer, or just old age. In November, my friend and I started dating. I was cured of my depression, or so I thought. She was everything to me. I was head over heels for her, and she knew it. I've liked her for 4 years before I asked her out.
We dated nicely for 3 months. The last 3 months were hell. I attempted suicide twice in the past year over all the stuff going on in my life all the way from my brother who bullied me, my family passing away, my father's depression, and my arguments with my girlfriend.
For the past 3 months, I have been cutting myself A LOT. Pretty much every day. I never hit a major artery on my arm. I was lucky.
My girlfriend broke up with me, and my world turned upside down. Well, more upside down. I was more depressed. More depressed than I thought was possible. I went to end myself. This time I was going to make sure I ended my misery. My family owned a shotgun for protection. I went to get it. It jammed. I started crying for 3 hours straight. I couldn't unjam it. I gave up.
The next day, I went to school, and started balling my eyes out for no reason. I wasn't even thinking of it. Of anything in my life. I was actually in a good mood right before I started crying. My teacher sent me down to the school psychologist and had me explain everything.
I was Baker Acted, and sent to a crisis centre. I stood there for 5 days trying to get the right medication and just trying to get a bit better. It didn't work. I couldn't build up the courage of going to school and seeing my ex with all her friends and happy while I was more miserable than ever. I took the last 4 weeks of school "off".
I eventually found the right medication with my new therapist and fast forward 8 months, and here we are today. I'm now done with my depression and my anxiety, and I just want to say it does indeed get better. I'm now with my current girlfriend and I'm happier than ever. So...that's my story. Sorry for the bland ending. Hahah :D