I'm seventeen years old, female. I was told I have an eating disorder, quite firmly, by my counsellor. I suppose with the break down of the word "eating with no order" or whatever, my eating habits could be labelled under "Eating Disorder", but to go so far as to say I'm anorexic, I believe is silly.

I don't eat breakfast or recess or lunch. I'll eat breakfast sometimes, if I'm about to keel over from hunger or I feel like it. I'll eat lunch when I'm with my mum or at home, because it's there and I'm alone. I don't eat when I'm around people other than those in my home. I think it mostly began when I used to think people were staring at me thinking "Ew, how can a fat whale like that be eating?" I was a size 12 in pants, and was always fairly skinny I guess... However, the thoughts of people whispering about me got to me. I've always been one of those "Who cares what they say?" people. So I don't know why that got to me so much.

I think also being left by my dad didn't help; I felt unloved and unlovable. I'll always remember sitting next to him asking: "Dad, why do stomachs get rolls when you sit down?" And him looking at me with a (as I now remember it, but it might not have been) look of disappointment, "Because when people aren't fit and they eat, their muscles aren't toned..." A while after he left my life, I felt as though I was a disappointment and a failure. That's why he left. I still feel that way sometimes.

I think I have depression, and it's been suggested that I get tested for it. However, it's remained a suggestion and no one has acted upon it. I also get incredibly angry over nothing, and feel like I need to hurt someone or punch something. I get this empty feeling sometimes, and cut myself. I need help, and I know it. It's just so hard when your counsellor forgets you exist and doesn't remember that you're supposed to be seeing them. :| Oh well, that isn't all, but it's late. Thanks for reading this. Ciao.