Confused about what to do
I am so confused and idk wat to do.
I have never really had a prob with gay and bi people. I have this friend and we are best friends and have so much fun together. But i think i like her more than just a friend.
I just could never picture myself doin anything with any girl cuz i think it's disgusting. But i only think about doin stuff with her. I don't know if if i wanna say somethin but i don't think i'm gay. Idk wat to do. I just have thought about her and stuff.
Comments / Feedback
You probably are just REALLY close to your female friend and don't yet have a really close guy friend.
For some people, it's neither abnormal nor gay to feel like they're falling in love with the person they're closest to. It probably means that you will end up wanting to marry someone close to your heart instead of just wanting to marry whatever guy you happen to be in a relationship with at the time you start thinking you're old enough/ready enough to get married. It probably means you associate romantic feelings with whoever you really care a lot about, not just whoever happens to be hot. And that's a GOOD thing!!! ^_^
There's a book called Annie on My Mind, I forget who wrote it but anyway it's about a girl feeling like she's falling in love with her female best friend (having previously not thought that either she or her friend even was gay or anything, as far as she knew!). It's an interesting book but it might make you feel sort of weird if you read it exactly at the time when you're wondering if you're gay or not...because it does kind of explore those feelings a lot...and I think there is a possibility that the two girls in the book might actually be gay, they just don't want to admit it even to themselves since this was a few decades ago when most people didn't think gay was okay.
If you read it while you're still wondering/questioning, then if you are gay it might really help you know what to do/think or whatever and help you feel less embarrassed and stuff like that...but if you're not gay and don't really want to be gay (that you know of, anyway!), the book might just make you feel weird and make you kind of wonder if you HAVE to be gay just because at the moment you think you might "like like" your best friend.
I think getting closer and closer and closer to a person you already love anyway [not just, like as a good buddy, but really love as a special friend] is the perfect way to fall in love. I also think that even if you're already attracted to someone when you first meet them, you can still decide to become friends before you become anything else [instead of immediately dating them before you know them, or as a way of getting to know them].
Falling in love with your best friend, I think there's nothing better...but wondering if you're in love with your female best friend, when you are pretty sure you would actually rather be in love with a guy, but unfortunately the right guy just isn't around yet...that's not exactly wonderful, that just sort of feels weird. Feeling close to and special about your best friend as just a best friend...tends to feel more "normal" or whatever than wondering if you are crushing on your same-gender best friend...except that if you actually are gay or bi (even if you don't consciously know it yet) I suspect that it probably feels a lot more "exciting" and a lot less just "weird".
Some questions you could ask yourself to see if you think you're gay or not: Would you rather have marriage and children with a guy or with a girl? (both being possible these days) Would you rather have sex with a guy or with a girl? Do you want to have sex with your best friend? Do you want to do "heavy petting" that's almost sex with her, or do you really just want to hug her and stroke her hair and things like that? Do you want to kiss her on the mouth? If so, how hard and how long? Lips open or closed? Tongue? Etc. Does it just make you feel really weird to imagine that kind of thing, or does it make you feel kind of good and kind of happily, eagerly excited and as if you really want to actually do those things and not just imagine them? If you tell her how you feel, do you just want to tell her and that's all, or are you hoping she'll want to actually do those things with you? (not necessarily proof because you could be just wanting to experiment and try something new and such) Do you like looking at pictures of cute guys/watching movies that have cute guys/reading books about cute guys more than or less than spending time with your best friend? (not proof either because those guys are not really there with you in real life, while your best friend is) (and because it's also possible that spending time with your best friend could easily be just what you enjoy doing the most, just because she's your best friend!) If you read a romance book, do you (usually) imagine yourself as the guy touching/holding/kissing the girl, or as the girl touching/holding/kissing the guy? (not necessarily proof either because some people with good imaginations can imagine both, without being gay or bi). You don't have to tell your friend about what you're thinking, especially if you decide that you would rather not act on it anyway.
Anyway...maybe you might want to just start out telling your best friend you love her (as a friend). Good place to start. If you want to you can tell her later on that you think you might love her as more than a friend. But don't just spring it on her out of nowhere without having at least talked to her first about loving her/feeling close to her as a friend. (By the way...I hope you and she will ALWAYS be best friends!!! ^__^)
I guess my bottom line here is, being gay is fine if that's the way you happen to be, just don't automatically assume you're gay just because you love your best friend. You could end up just getting confused (and by that I do not mean gay, I mean actually confused! as in bewildered and puzzled!) and spend the rest of your adolescence not knowing WHAT the heck your sexual orientation is any more because you don't even know what ARE the signs of being straight, gay or bi. (I realise there are different signs for everyone. I hope my suggestions/examples of what some of the signs can sometimes be will be at least a little bit helpful for someone somewhere along the line.)
Anyway...don't feel embarrassed/ashamed to love your best friend...in any way that feels right to you. Loving your best friend is good. ^_^ Being gay I assume is probably also good for those who actually ARE gay, but it is definitely NOT something that's automatically perfect for EVERYONE or anything like that (not everyone's cup of tea)...and I think there are probably fewer people who are genuinely gay than there are people who love their best friends.
There are certainly several people on this site who mention feeling attracted to their same-gender best friends and are like, "Well, I didn't THINK I was gay..." You're not necessarily gay just because you think you might "like" your best friend. Especially if there just don't happen to be any people of the other gender around that you like a lot at that time. Of course, if there aren't, that can get you wondering too...like, do I not like any of those guys that way because I'm gay or because I just don't happen to like any of those guys that way because they're not the right guy? When you DO like the right guy, though, it's usually pretty obvious. Especially if you feel around ten or twenty times more attracted to him than you ever felt about your girl best friend! ^_~