I am a 15 year old girl and I am completely in love with a very good friend of mine. Griffin (name changed) is 18 but not in a creepy way. I danced with him at my dance studio for 3 years before high school and last year we were on the same ballroom team.

THIS IS NOT JUST A CRUSH. I've cried 9/10 nights, no exaggerating to the least bit, for at least 9 or 10 months now. We understand each other so so much. When we talk we don't flirt, we don't make small talk. We actually look into each other's eyes (not in a flirty way) and talk about real things like life and love and death and regrets and dreams.

We have been hanging out a lot this summer, mt. biking and hiking and exploring old houses. We go out for up to 7 hours at a time. We can walk along the side of a highway for and hour and a half, soaking wet and barefoot and he turns to me to say that he is spending a summer day the best way he can. We don't even have to talk and i am the happiest person in the world just to be next to him.

Yes, he is attractive. We are exactly the same height: 5' 7 3/4". He is very thin, very muscular, with a cute face, strong jaw line, hazel/green eyes and shortish almost black hair. I could go on for practically ever about him. It's not lust at all. I don't care if i never get to kiss him... i just want to be next to him.

He's had the same girlfriend since he was 16, his first girlfriend, for 3 1/2 years. Josie (name changed) is 3 years older than him. Right now he is 18 and she is 21. She is beautiful and also a dancer and she dances with Griffin's older, gay, very attractive brother.

Griffin just broke up with Josie about a month ago. I was with Griffin the night he broke up with her. We were at a ballroom social dance and his parents had just been bugging and yelling at him for not talking to Josie. The whole night he just sat across from me and we sorta just stared at each other. I reassured him that he will be fine, multiple times.

There is another guy. He is 14. Aden (name changed). He has dated/hooked up with many of my girlfriends. I really really like him but there are many things holding me back. One thing is Griffin. Me loving him makes being with other guys feel strange. Also the fact that he has been with 5 of my best friends and that he smokes, sometimes does pot and drinks. He is bipolar so it's sort of hard to get to know him. I know i just described him to sound like a piece of shit kinda guy but he really isn't. He has been starting to smoke a lot less and has gone for weeks without pot because he knows i don't like it. (btw, we are BEST friends... because he's been with all my friends... you know, i'm like the connection girl... between all of them.)

The thing that bugs me the most is that he has liked me ever since he broke up with the first of my 5 friends. That was only 4 months ago. I met him 7 months ago, yet we are inseparable. He holds my hand whenever we are together, in public or alone, he snuggles with me everywhere. He knows i love to snuggle. (One time i was asleep on my friend's couch... sleepover... and he snuck into her house (he does that a lot) and just curled up next to me. I was sorta half awake when he came in and i let him kiss the corner of my mouth and say "go back to sleep". I woke up with each other in our arms and our legs tangled and our hair knotted together.)

He makes me feel so safe. Being with him is so easy, so simple. He is also on the dance team, he skateboards and blades, and everyone thinks we are dating. Even people that we just meet at dances and stuff. I refuse to kiss him (i have never kissed him...!!) because of the whole being-with-5-of-my-friends thing. I feel like if i gave in then i would just be another girl in the list. (btw, even when he is dating a friend of mine i talk to them about how me and Aden are together and they are always okay with us being cute together and stuff like that. (ik, i'm lucky to have such understanding friends.))

Aden knows i'm in love with Griffin. I told him flat out. Yet Aden continues to be all over me. One time he was snuggling with me and kissing and nudging my neck and kept looking up at me and kissing and touching my cheek and looking into my eyes and he literally said: "you know what i'm trying to get you to do, right?" I told him that i knew what he wanted but i wasn't going to kiss him.

Now the trick. Josie. And Aden. Josie is 21. Aden is 14. They deny it completely. But he told his first girlfriend's mom that it's true. (The mom thing is very complicated....) Aden won't admit it to me. I was texting Aden and my mutual friend and i told my friend that i really didn't approve of Aden and Josie because Aden is actually friends with Griffin and shouldn't do that to him. And the age difference is bad, and Josie is obviously using Aden. Well, i didn't really say all that... i actually said "i don't think Aden is thinking straight, i mean it's JOSIE... they really shouldn't do this."

Now Aden is uncontrollably pissed at me for assuming him and Josie together. He gets mad at a lot of people but he has never ever been mad at me for anything more than shoving ice cream in his face. There are so many more details. I'm just torn between if i should ignore all the bad stuff in Aden or if i should stay singly in love with Griffin. Either way i will love Griffin forever.... but either way i'm still going to like Aden. If he ever forgives me.