Changed who I was
I'm 15 years old and my name is Kelly (name changed). I live at home with a mother and a father and a younger brother. I was normal, i was like any other kid, right? Until i realised that i wasn't. When i started to self-harm, i thought i was going crazy. I was always a lonely girl in Year 3. I didn't have low self-esteem at that age, i thought i was normal. But i didn't have any friends---i always walked around the yard on my own doing nothing. We got bullied by a few boys, me and my brother, so we moved schools. I did meet friends at my new school and so did my brother. It was all perfectly great until i started senior school. That's when my life changed completely.
I changed who i was. I still had my friends from my old school, but in my new senior school, something changed me. There was one boy in my senior school, Year 7 it was, who changed me badly. At first i thought it was the typical bullying, but it developed more seriously than i imagined, pulling my skirt down while i did presentations, spitting in my hair, throwing rubbers at me, just the usual.
Then i had to be in a wheelchair in Year 8. I had broken my leg and i couldn't use crutches because my bone would move every time i would hop, so i had to use a wheelchair. The boy that bullied me in Year 7 assisted to push me in a wheelchair with my friend, so they looked after me, but not the boy. He tortured me. It became worse and worse. My friend noticed what he was doing to me so she told the teacher about this and he had to stay away from me, but he never did. He would push the wheelchair down the hill and let go, he would try and push it down the stairs with me in it, and he would grab me and push me on the floor just so he could go in my wheelchair.
Then in Year 9 he started to hit, punch and kick me all the time when i wouldn't do as he said. He sexually harassed me and abused me in so many different ways. He made me sit next to him in class and make me touch him and he would touch me. If i didn't do this he would bite me and hit me. He was stronger and taller than me. Every time i didn't do as he says he would do something really bad to me, like come to my house and throw eggs and stones at my windows or beat me up in corners and down the stairs. He made me meet him one day and raped me. He told me i couldn't tell anyone about the things he did to me cause if he did, he would break my dog's legs and put my house on fire. I had to listen to him.
I got bullied every day by him and his friends. All the horrible things you can think of he would have done to me. It changed me. I got low self-esteem by the things he said to me. He said i was ugly and fat and no one would love me. I carved love in my hand because he told me i could never have a future or love.
I came to cut myself a lot on my arms and body, i didn't no what i was doing, i thought i was going insane. I was so scared but it felt so good doing it. Every time i felt pain and hurt i would self-harm. The boy that did all this to me got caught squeezing my boobs real hard in the corner by another boy. One day when i was in lesson i was sitting on a table on my own with the boy in front of me, he was bullying me and annoying me. The teacher noticed this just now and told him to get out the classroom. The teacher said to me "Kelly, he always bullies you doesn't he? He is a horrible, horrible kid."
The kids started saying things. The boy that saw him touch me said he had seen it. The teacher said it's classed as rape and my friend told the teacher all the things he had done to me cause she noticed.
We always told the teachers on him but it was always ignored and they never really did anything to help me. The police got involved and i got sent home with my friend early. I saw my mum and my friend told my mum what happened. Sometime in the future i moved schools. Somehow the school knew what happened to me and started bullying me and asking me questions. I ended up alone with no friends so i started to hide my face with my hair because i didn't like the way i looked. I was scared to go in classrooms and the hall. I was scared to go to school cafeteria. I was just scared of school. I was scared in case it happened again so i self-harmed in that school too.
My family isn't helping at all, they make it worse. Mum makes my life hell. It's so hard to cope but all i know is that i will have a brighter future ahead of me. I will be with the one i love and i will make friends at college. School life is a nightmare---bullying and sexual harassment---but whatever comes your way to make you self-harm, just remember you will have a bright future. Make a brighter day! Don't sulk it! :D
Comments / Feedback
I've had similar experiences despite being male. People have told me I should just stand up for myself, or that I'm probably just a racist white man who deserves it. It's not always as simple as telling the police or teachers. (telling the cops doesn't work when the cop's kids are bullying you.)
I didn't have a bully, I had over a dozen. I never cut myself but I did rip out the hair on my head and occasionally became so enraged that I trashed my parent's home on several occasions. To this day the hair won't grow back and I learned to ignore all forms of pain.
People do not take your side when everyone makes you the whipping boy, but when I hit my teen years I got big and scary looking, and no one wanted to fight me anymore because bullies are cowards, they really are. That's why they attack children and cripples and pets. That's why they don't bully the big scary looking guy.
Anyways I'm single, I have no friends, and I'm dying. That's not the sad part - I'm enjoying being alone. Suicide/Self Abuse isn't the answer. Take the torture and suffering and cling to survival. Later on you can find happiness...