I used to be in love once, but it ended badly. And I was diagnosed with severe depression at the start of the year.

I never thought it would have been possible to be so close to someone. To know them back to front... He was my best friend, and boyfriend. After that relationship I've been trying to forget him ever since, but it hasn't seemed to work. Everything reminds me of him. I've tried everything. Gotten new boyfriends... and became close to someone again. Just recently he hasn't been treating me well, because rumours have been going around about me at my school, and I've lost all my friends so I broke it off.

I've been acting very stupid. I wag school and i'm failing in a few subjects. I don't talk to my parents anymore but i'm picking myself up slowly. I've made a couple of new friends. But one friend I shouldn't have even made. He's in Grade 10, and i'm in Grade 8.

The first time I saw him was a week ago. We happened to bump into each other in town and we couldn't stop staring at each other. I knew he looked familiar, and that we both went to the same school. He added me on Facebook and we started talking. On the Sunday the person I once loved, yet still love, sent me a message asking me out and saying that he still loved me. I was shocked. We planned to wag on a Tuesday. That day he was pressuring me to have sex with him. I refused, but let him touch me. I really liked him. The next day after school we met up at the park. He led me into the toilets. And we started making out. I didn't know what I was doing. The day before I was so strong minded and determined not to do it, but today I just felt so vulnerable. I felt alone. It was painful. It felt like my vag was ripping. I said, "ouch", a few times and from then on asked if I was okay and if he could go in deeper, and that was when I realised he wasn't wearing a condom. We lasted about 10 minutes and he had to leave to see his lawyer.

It's been 3 days, and i'm still yet to go to Family Planning for advice because I don't even know if I got a disease and I could quite possibly become pregnant. But i'm lucky to have my best friend to help me, even though he's a guy and he loves me in a way I don't love him. It wasn't what I expected. I wanted to be my first time to be special. And preferably in a bedroom, but instead I got a toilet. I'm a romantic and I'm really angry with myself.

I just want girls to realise that your virginity is something very precious. And that it's a gift to a person you truly love. Don't throw it away and treat it like it's nothing. Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it.