I don't know if im depressed or not.

I cut my arms because I blame myself of a death of someone very close to me. I feel like I could have stopped it even though it was out of my control. I have really strange mood swings—one moment im happy and the next I feel like dying. The songs I listen to express how I feel, so I basically speak through my songs.

I got really angry one time at my mum because she hit me, so I ran away. It was really cold that night, maybe one degree or something. I wasn't cold one bit but I couldn't stop my body from shaking. I had thoughts unconsciously running through my mind that were really scary. I was planning my suicide. It was terrible. My body was out of control, shaking non-stop.

I have been through a lot of other things but I don't want to say them. I looked up some depression symptoms and I showed most of them. But im in denial that I have it. Do you think I do?