I feel myself slowly breaking down every time he gets angry at me for cutting myself.
So I'm 21. I've been having relationship problems with my boyfriend for the past few months and I started cutting myself. At first I cut my wrists, but I was afraid people would notice so I've been cutting my thighs. My boyfriend found out about this and he told me to stop or else he'll leave me.
I'm trying my best to stop but sometimes, the urge gets too strong for me to handle. I try talking to my boyfriend about it but he's always very harsh with me and says that I should just stop, like it's an easy thing to do. But every time he tells me to just get over it, it makes me feel like I'm pathetic and useless and makes me want to cut more.
I just wish he could understand. He's the only one I can turn to for this. No one else knows about it. What should I do? I feel myself slowly breaking down every time he calls me stupid and gets angry at me for cutting myself.
Hi and thanks for contacting us.
It would be foolish for me to tell you that your boyfriend is the cause of this, but your relationship with him is certainly part of it. If you have never cut before (and it's unusual for self-harm of this kind to start when you are out of your teens) then the link to your relationship difficulties is strong. To try to get control by talking to the person who is so intimately linked with your cutting (your boyfriend) is probably only going to make it take longer.
Your feeling that there is no-one else you can go to is part of the trap. There are so many people trained and willing to help you: people who won't judge you the way your boyfriend does, who won't make you feel weak or ashamed, and who understand that just wanting to stop is not enough.
Queensland Health is a good first stopping off point in your recovery. Make an appointment at your local health centre to see a psychologist. If you aren't sure where to find a health centre close to where you live, go to QFinder (link below) to find one. I also tell everyone who cuts and wants to stop to visit the Secret Shame website (see below).
You don't need to keep trying to stop on your own. I am sure you can succeed, but if you get the help you need from the right people it will be so much easier. All the best.