Can some girls just not have them?
Hi, and thanks for writing in. While orgasms, being enjoyable and unique, are something that most people want to experience in their lives, they can also be really frustrating.
The problem with orgasms is that there is no formula, recipe or guidebook to make one happen. Every body is different and responds to different stimuli in different ways, making one person's orgasm completely different to another's. To make things even more confusing, something that works for one person one time might not work again the next time, because orgasms are as much about the mind as they are about the physical acts themselves.
More often than not, the problems that most people face when they felt that they can't have an orgasm are psychological. As I mentioned earlier, the mind is as important as the genitals or other physical parts of sex when it comes to orgasm so if you're distracted, stressed, worried or just tired, it's likely that you'll find it difficult to orgasm. Desire and arousal are both vital parts of sex and orgasm and while there are some physical aspects to these feelings, they are largely emotional and psychological. So if you're too distracted by homework, stress, feelings about your partner or tension then it's unlikely that you'll have a strong desire for sex, or that you'll be able to be aroused enough to orgasm.
I'm not sure what kinds of things you've been doing to try to have an orgasm. It's interesting to note that most women can't orgasm from penetrative vaginal sex alone, and need some other form of stimulation to make it happen. Masturbation is a very healthy and normal way of finding out what you like and don't like sexually, and what can bring you to orgasm and sexual pleasure. Again, there's no magical formula for orgasm but there are a few things that can really help.
One of the first things that you need to do, when you want to figure out what you like and don't like sexually, is make sure that you're in a comfortable place. This means physically comfortable, where your body can relax, and also mentally comfortable where your mind can relax as well. Privacy is also essential here, and knowing that you won't be disturbed is vital. Whether this is something that you're doing with a partner or by yourself, it's important that you feel safe and secure. From there on it's a matter of finding out what feels good for you, and going from there. Also, practice makes perfect. Although things might not work the first time, or the first few times, things will improve.
There is no reason to think that you are not able to orgasm. It is possible that right now, at this point in your life, you're finding it hard because you don't have the right conditions—both for body and mind. The situation that you're in right now doesn't mean that you won't have a wonderful and satisfying sex life down the track. Actually, the fact that you're curious about this and asking questions is healthy. Learning about these kinds of things will only make you more empowered in the future.
If you still have questions, take a look at the links I've given you below for more reading, or find a local youth-friendly health service where you can talk to somebody in person. Take care and good luck.