I keep having thoughts that i shouldn't let myself love him in case we break up.
I've been going out with my boyfriend for 3 months now and i really love him. He says he really loves me too and we appear to be mad about each other.
However, I keep having these thoughts that i shouldn't let myself love him like i do just in case something happens and we break up. I'm quite a cynical person and i always see the bad in situations but i've never been happier than i am now.
I'm just worried that i'm gonna go and mess it up by constantly convincing myself that he doesn't love me and i don't really love him. Please help.
Thanks for your question.
Being in a relationship can be tricky if you find yourself feeling vulnerable. When this happens, questions often start coming in to your mind, like "What if he changes his mind?", "What if he doesn't really love me?", or "What if he find somebody else and leaves me?".
If you get too caught up in these thoughts and start to believe them, you might try and protect yourself by building a kind of "wall" around you so that you can't get hurt. This "wall" often involves doing things like trying not to let yourself get carried away in the relationship, distancing yourself from him, or trying to convince yourself that you don't feel that strongly about him (or that he doesn't really feel that strongly about you).
The main problem with building this "wall" is that you end up not really allowing yourself to experience the relationship fully (the good and the bad)—you're kind of half-in and half-out (just in case it doesn't work).
In reality, there is a chance this relationship won't last and you will end up hurt (regardless of how much you try to protect yourself). This is just a fact of life and it can sometimes help to remind yourself of how strong you are and how you will be able to cope with this if it happens.
However, there is also a chance that things will work out and you will have a strong, healthy relationship with this guy. There is no way of knowing this just yet—you can't control the future or how you feel—so why not make the most of right now and give this relationship a chance?
If you find you're struggling with these feelings or can't act more confidently in your relationship, it might be a good idea to speak to a counsellor.