Sometimes I want to do things with him. But 'I'm young and don't know what I'm doing sexually'.
Hi, I'm a 13 year old girl who's learnt to grow up fast. I'm a very intelligent person, so I've been mature ever since a fairly young age. I look about 16/17 and I find that I can communicate with older people better than people my own age.
I even work and get a lot of good looking guys coming in. I recently deleted facebook, but before i deleted, i had a lot of the guys adding me. I wanted to talk to them, although sometimes we talked about things I shouldn't. But it honestly doesn't bother me. I sort of enjoy the "naughty" talk. I was sure to set them straight and tell them my age, and not to expect anything other than a friendly relationship from me or anything sexual from me. Until I get a little older (I'm 14 soon).
I only speak to one guy now, but I still talk to the other guy every now and then. The guy I talk to now is very accepting and knows my age, and respects my decision. We still have our little 'dirty talk' moments, both knowing it's not going to happen in reality. But sometimes I want to do things with him. I trust him, and I know for sure he wouldn't do anything if I didn't want to! I want to tell my mum that I'm just going for a walk or just visiting a friend but I'm going to see him, but I know what would happen if my mum found out, not that we really would though. He knows that if I say no, I mean no! He knows everything, and I sometimes have a sexual feeling about him :S
I sometimes do want to just go and take a risk but then to be realistic, i don't know how to do things, and I'd be worried if he judged me. Or if we started doing something then he left because 'I'm young and don't know what I'm doing sexually'.
If you have any advice please help me :) Thank you.
Hi, good on you for writing in to get more information.
It's a very big decision to begin to sexual stuff with a guy, even if you both like each other. It sounds like you want to be sensible and protect yourself.
It's a big risk to lie to your mum and sneak out to meet this guy. If he is not willing to come over and meet your parents first, ask yourself if he really has good intentions.
In NSW, the legal age of consent (agreement) to have sex is 16. This means that you need to be over 16 to say yes to having sex. By law, sex includes intercourse (penis in vagina), oral sex and anal sex. Sex also must be consensual (this means both people agree to have sex with each other). So it is illegal for a person over 16 to have sex with a person under 16.
16 years may seem like a long way off but the law is there to protect people from being taken advantage of or pressured. If both people are under 16, there can also be legal issues when one person has more influence over the other person or if the sex is not consensual.
Ask yourself if you really feel ready to be having sex. Things to think about are protecting yourself emotionally, like do you trust the person and feel safe? It is important you feel safe and are with someone who cares about you and wants to be with you for more than just sex.
Talking about sex can feel exciting but it can also be very awkward. To chat with guys, try talking about things other than sex, like music, family, interests and what they like to do. This way you get to know them properly and find out if you have more in common than just sex. Introducing your guy friends to your other friends and even family is also important because it will show you whether a guy really wants to get to know you and treat you with respect.
Other things to think about include protecting your physical health. To protect yourself from STIs (sexually transmissible infections) and unwanted pregnancy, visit your local doctor or youth clinic to ask about contraception (e.g. condoms, the pill) and sexual health check-ups.
For more information about age of consent, STIs and contraception, check out the below links.
If you have an adult you trust, talk to them about what you are experiencing and about how to manage talking to guys and getting to know them first, without sex.
All the best and take care.