I am trying to lose the weight but it's bloody hard when you get people that just put you down.
Okay I am 16 and I weigh about 120–130kg. I know that's a lot but it's my problem right?
Now, when I go to school, I don't see why my "friends" and other people always have to point out that I am overweight. It is not their problem. It's not like I don't know that I am overweight. I just don't see why it is necessary to point it out. Even if I'm just talking in a normal conversation they still somehow find a way to say that I am fat.
The real annoying thing is, is that my friends also do it. They are supposed to be friends but yet they make fun of me. How does that work? I know sometimes they say it as a joke. But it really isn't all that funny. How can I just get them to stop?
I am trying to lose the weight but it's bloody hard when you get people like this that just put you down back where you started. I also have a habit of losing my temper. And I am a big guy so I don't want to just go off at them, or hit anyone. But it does get very close to that point, and I honestly don't know how to stop it. Thanks =/.
Hi there and thanks for asking.
It sounds like you are really frustrated with your "friends'" comments about your body size. You are right that your friends shouldn't be saying things like that and it isn't there problem.
Well done for thinking about possible consequences if you lose your temper. It can be really hard to not react quickly when you are feeling hurt. This makes me think that you are a thoughtful young man and have insight into what issues are impacting on you. When you feel yourself becoming agitated or angry with others, here are some strategies that may help:
- count to 10 to yourself
- walk away
- find a non-violent way to release the stress (e.g. go for a walk/jog, skate, kick a ball, rip up newspapers).
Sadly you can't stop people saying things about you but you can control the way you respond to them.
Being able to manage anger is something we all need to work on. Here are some tips:
- Identify your triggers (e.g. someone calling you a name).
- Know how your body tells you that feelings of anger are there (e.g. feeling hot, clenched fists, feeling tense in your arms). Next time you feel like you may lose your temper take a moment to think where the anger is in your body.
- Have ways for managing these feelings, such as the non-violent ways above.
The key thing that came out of your question for me was an uncomfortableness with your weight. Uncomfortableness with your weight more broadly speaking is an uncomfortableness with yourself. There are many people outside the weight range our society says is "normal" who are very comfortable with themselves. In these situations their friends often adopt a similar "comfortableness" with their friend's weight.
If you can't see yourself being comfortable at your current weight, empowering yourself to being the agent of the change you want to see is the way to go. It can be really hard to lose weight and it is a long term journey. It would be great if you could find someone to join in your journey, like a friend or family member. Also, try finding a gym in your area with a personal trainer who could tailor a specific program for you. This could help you not only lose the weight but build self-esteem. (There are heaps of thin people in the world who are also not comfortable with themselves.)
You could also talk with your doctor about options for a healthy diet and ways to manage your weight. They could even refer you to a professional who deals with this issue, like a health counsellor.
Hope this helps. Good luck!