I don't want to reveal my feelings for him, and I can't handle bottling up my emotions.
I'm gay and I'm madly and deeply in love with my best friend, who, unfortunately, is straight! We both are 19 years old and have been friends for a year. He is cool, smart, cute and always full of life. It's these qualities that make him so endearing and attractive.
We are actually so close to one another that our friends always joke that we can end up being a "gay" couple. We do lot of crazy stuff... like hanging around, smoking, biting, rubbing our hands sexually and almost kissing! But, we do all those in just plain humour... nothing serious from his side, because he has had like 5 relationships in the past with various girls. However close he may be, he doesn't feel me in a sexual way! :(
The problem now is, he is committed to a new girl who is a friend of mine. They have been together for 4–5 months. At first, it didn't affect me much... but now I feel damn jealous about her! I can't bear to see them together cuddling and doing all the lovey-dovey stuff... I would do anything to be in her place... but alas! In reality, it is impossible.
Of late, he seems to be ignoring me (rarely replies to my messages and calls, not inviting me for hang-outs etc.) and I feel so unimportant to him nowadays... but I'm still latching around, coz I know I can't spend even a day without him.
I'm freaking confused... I don't want to reveal my feelings for him and ruin our friendship, and at the same time, I can't handle bottling up my emotions. I want relief from this... Please, bail me out... What should I do? Help needed urgently... Thanx in advance! :)
Thanks for your question. I know it's hard to accept, but your best friend is just that: a friend. You know what that he is straight, and that he is now in a happy relationship. You need to respect both of these things and step back for a bit.
There is no need for you to confess your feelings to him. It will probably upset him and may damage your friendship. It's not going to change how he feels and it won't make him end his relationship with this girl.
The most you can do at this tough time is try to focus your energy into other people and things. Give him the time he needs to settle in to his relationship. Be a good friend and support his relationship as best you can without getting so involved that it's painful for you to hear/watch.
Don't be a clinger or hang around too much when it's clear he wants to be alone with his girlfriend because it will surely lead to you being pushed away. If you really feel you need to talk to him about how you are feeling, focus only on how him being with his girlfriend has made you feel as a friend (e.g. left out, forgotten).
If you want to keep this friendship, you need to do these things... If you don't, you will risk losing him as a friend all together. Accepting that he is never going to be into you will be really hard, so make sure you've got some friends, family or a counsellor whom you can speak too if you're finding it too hard to deal with on your own.