I put (a lot) of pressure on myself to study hard. I would like some kind of proper technique i could use to stop/prevent/manage this.
Hi so i'm not really even sure what i want to ask, but i'm in year 12 and i am a perfectionist, so basically i put (a lot) of pressure on myself to study hard, do the best and everything. But at the same time i'm not organised and i stress and then i will procrastinate and then i will stress and then be doing things at the last minute which doesn't help anything.
I mean i get that people say that the hsc is only a certificate and it's not actually a big deal and if you don't get what you want/need there are always other ways etc. I see that and i know that after it's all over i will be saying the same thing but right now while i'm doing it it's like it means everything and i don't know how to see it differently.
It's not about that it's just about me being a perfectionist and having to get the best mark. I mean what i need isn't actually that high but it wouldn't be good enough for me, it's about getting the highest mark possible...
And then i find myself being quite negative (about myself, no one else), and well most of the time i will internalise everything. I know it's a bad thing, which will only do more damage over time and everything but it's just what i do i don't like talking to people about. It's embarrassing, stressing, a waste of their time etc. And then sometimes if things aren't going right or i'm stressing or whatever then i'll take it out on people at home and i hate it when i do it.
I've been better lately, trying to calm myself down and stress less but i suppose i would like some kind of proper technique or just some advice or something that i could use to stop/prevent/manage this... Or something that would make me realise that it's not the end of the world and there are worse things people live with and i should stop stressing and being stupid, their things are more important... I just don't know how to change my thinking or state of mind or whatever. Thanks.
Hi.I'm so glad you took action on this problem you want to solve. I'm impressed by your honesty and clear insight about yourself. And I'd like to congratulate you for being courageous, and for prioritising your needs. It's really important to look after your mental wellbeing, and to make sure you're not dumping your stress on your relationships.
So... you are a high achiever, and you are up for this new challenge. Beware! The answer is not necessarily to work harder.
Sometimes as humans we start to chase our own tail around and around by constantly rushing to clean up and fix and perform. When people are outstanding achievers, they run into this trap by trying to do everything all at once. Even expending a lot of energy in trying to organise your life can be counterproductive. Some things are either out of your control, or just not worth paying so much attention to.
You can get better at looking after yourself and releasing stress by learning how to let go of trying so hard. This doesn't mean you need to let your grades suffer, it just means that you can let some things get a little messy sometimes. In fact, that might be your challenge: learn to let go of controlling everything so that it's a high standard. Choose some things in your life that you find fun, like a sport or a hobby, and when you're doing these things, then just have fun. Exercise your psychological ability to relax, let go, and have fun by monitoring your own "fun-o-meter". Was there anything today that you just enjoyed for its own sake? What about this week? If you could let anything become messy and not worry about it being a low standard, what would it be?
It's just a start, to help you work out what we're all so desperately struggling to achieve: this "work/life balance". Know that you're not alone in this, and get wise to the hype. Your life is your own, not someone else's recommendation, so keep walking your path and enjoy figuring out your choices.
Speaking with a counsellor can be a great way to get clear about what suits you best, and gives you the privacy I think you're looking for. You could start with your school counsellor or GP, or ask them to give you a recommendation. Kids Helpline is another option (see below).
I wish you loads of stress-free success!