I'm just not a happy person anymore. Is there something really wrong with me? What can I do?
So, I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm just not a happy person anymore. I have periods of time where it can be hard to control myself and I go crazy with any tool I can find (or just my fingernails) and dig into my wrists. I feel powerless.
I'm scared of my birthday. It's coming up soon and I don't think I will be able to handle people being happy for me. I know that I have friends who care a great deal for me and want to celebrate my birthday, but I don't believe I want to see their happy faces, or hear their cheers and the words "Happy Birthday". I'm dreading the day.
Is there something really wrong with me? I'm already on low-strength anti-depressants and have to see the doctor from time to time. My parents have seen my wrists and criticise me whenever they see it.
What's my next step? What can I do? I feel so helpless.
Hi and thanks for asking us.
This is sad beyond words! Your way out is to talk to the doctor who has been prescribing your medications. Either the doctor will know about this already and will be able to reassure you that this is a phase that you will pass through on the way back to a fuller, happier life. More likely, they will come to understand that the treatment you have been getting is either not the right approach for you, or needs to be applied more vigorously. It seems to me that seeing you doctor "from time to time" is not nearly often enough when you are so distressed.
Doctors are very helpful, but they are not always the best people to deal with such deep emotional distress. Counsellors and therapists have very specialised knowledge and skills to be able to help you, and they have something else: time. They understand how hard it is for you to trust and to share what you have been going through, and how hard it is to put into words what it all means. They can help in ways that medicine—or medicine by itself—can't.
Your doctor can give you a referral to a counsellor. Their title doesn't matter that much—they could be a psychiatrist, a counsellor, a psychologist or maybe a youth worker. But it does matter that you start talking with them.
If there is some reason you can't get to your doctor for a referral, phone the Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 and put them in the picture. Don't try to keep doing this alone.
Take care of yourself, and write in again if you need to.