I've let my parents know how I feel, but they don't care. What do I do?
Hey, I'm a 16 year old boy who has had enough... I don't even know where to start but here goes.
I have 2 younger siblings (13, and 2) and my parents are at the point of divorce. I feel like my family hates one another. My mother and father mentally abuse me while denying that they do so. I feel like they do know but they still don't care that they are.
I'm sick and tired of not being able to leave the house without feeling bad for something that isn't my fault. I have no freedom and so much pressure. I was pressured into getting a job at 14, and now my parents complain that I have a job, and want me to quit.
My dad has been bullying me since 13, telling me to lose weight and shit. My mom assumes the most ridiculous things ever, making me go insane because she is making these ridiculous assumptions that make me want to scream.
Around 6 months ago I fell in love with my 'true love' and we're still going strong. I know that she is there for me whenever but I still don't want to stress her about this because it makes her cry and depressed.
My parents don't know what they're doing to me. They think it's fine to call me names, trap me in the house, and not socialise whatsoever. They hate all of my friends and say horrible things about them. They follow me around when I'm at school or when I'm at my work. I've had to lie to them a couple of times saying I was at work, just so I could go and be with my friends and girlfriend, which I know is wrong but there's no other way for me to have a social life if i don't do this.
My parents force me to always be in the house looking after my youngest brother, and help clean the house. I'm afraid to ask my dad for money, because I know I would get a 40 minute lecture on how much of a bad son i am for asking him. My parents have said things to me like "you're not my son" or "you're the worst son ever in history".
I get good grades, I clean my room, I respect my elders, ALL THAT SHIT. I try my best to live up to my parents' expectations but still it's never good enough. My family is foreign which explains some things, but this is too much for me to handle. I can't be in my house anymore without feeling depressed. I can't smile at home anymore. I've been tempted to run away a few times but pulled through because i know how hurt they would be.
After all I'm being put through, I think of them. I love my parents, so much! But I just wish that I would be respected and appreciated for who I am. I'm not asking for material things, I'm simply asking for love, and freedom and happiness. I'm sure that isn't too hard. Everyone always tells me that I don't deserve this whatsoever. I don't think anyone does. What i don't understand is that I'm such a good kid, I don't smoke, do drugs, drink or anything, I try to be honest as I can and yes I've made mistakes but they don't know how to accept that no one's perfect, especially children who go through this.
I'm trying my best to pull through for my brothers and myself. But it's too hard. My parents always twist my words on me and say that I said something when I really didn't. They feel satisfied when I'm hurt. They are always complaining about their jobs and how much they work. They call me names and make me feel like shit. They lie to me and have threatened to hit me before. They say that their anger is because of me, and only me. They are all about the "do as I say because I said so and I don't care what you say" and "I'm your parent so what I say goes, like it or not".
They also go around asking people about my friends, investigating if they are good people or not... also trying to creep on their Facebook accounts. They also dispose my girlfriend saying she's a bitch and a heartless bitch because they know it hurts my feelings when they hate on her.
I really need some advice. This is the first time I'm taking serious advice. I really need help. What do I do? I've let my parents know how I feel, but they don't care. I don't want to leave my household. I love them so much. I just want to be loved, respected, appreciated and happy. I need more freedom. I want to feel comfortable at home again. I want to smile for real. I want to not be paranoid thinking my parents are following me around. I want to be fully honest with them. I want to be happy. I don't see any price tags on this. This shouldn't be hard to ask for.
PLEASE. SOMEONE. HELP. I NEED ADVICE.
Hi mate and thanks for contacting us for some advice. When we have a lot of things going on in our life it can be really hard to actively look for some support, so good on you for doing so.
Wow, there sure is a lot of stuff happening for you right now. You said your parents are at the point of divorce. That must be really tough on all of you at home. Are they under a lot of extra stress at the moment that has led to this? I am sorry to hear you are feeling verbally and mentally abused by your parents. No matter how much stress they are under, calling you names and bullying you is not acceptable.
On the positive side, it's awesome to hear you are getting good grades, pull your weight around the house, you have a job and you have a supportive girlfriend who you are in love with. It's really good that even through such tough times you are managing to get good grades at school—what a great credit to you! I'm sure it must be frustrating though to not feel appreciated and loved by your mom and dad. You said that your family are "foreign" so I'm not sure if there are different cultural norms around disciplining and the amount of freedom you get that are further complicating your relationship with your parents. Do you have extended family you can get some support from?
You say you don't want to leave home which shows a great commitment to making things work at home with your parents, and I'm sure you want to be there and be a good role model for your younger brothers too. Are there any services near you that offer mediation between young people and their parents? You could search Google or ask at your local youth centre to find out. A service like this could offer you a real opportunity to be heard by your parents in a safe and non-judgemental environment.
If there isn't, can you talk to a school counsellor or support person at school about your situation? They could help you approach your parents again about your relationship with them. It sounds like you've got some great supports around you in friends as well which is good, although it sounds like it's hard to get to see them very much at the moment.
At 16 you are only a few years off being an adult and you and your parents should be able to negotiate a bit more freedom than you had at 13 or 14 years old. If it looks like your parents are going to split up, have a look at the link below.
All the best in getting some further support to help your relationship with your mom and dad. Please get back in touch if we can give you any further information.