I have strong lesbian feelings for one of my friends. I was wondering how i might find out if she felt the same way.
Hi, thanks for asking us.
It sounds like a pretty difficult situation. But it doesn't necessarily need to be. It depends on how you approach it.
I wonder if honesty is a strong value for you and your friend in your relationships? If it is, letting her know that you like girls would help your relationship grow to a deeper level.
I wonder how she would react to that. Do you think she judges lesbians as wrong? Maybe you could start even a little more cautiously and ask what she thinks of lesbian relationships. What else might you trust her with?
If she is totally okay with having a lesbian friend (she might even like that you have a different preference from the majority), then what might you be a little worried she would do? Do you think she might giggle or try to set you up with other girls?
Basically, you're "coming out" in a way. Have a think about who you'd like to know about your preferences for girls, and how you might manage if you think they would treat you differently. Imagine having a chat with them, thinking about how you would like to be respected.
As far as your friend that you like, I guess you need to feel like you can trust she won't make fun of you or act weird around you. But then, maybe that's a risk that you're willing to take. If she did act weird, do you think you could keep going? Maybe you feel like you'd prefer she knows you love her. It can be really painful to keep a secret love inside. Some people find it's easier to be able to express your love, and recognise that the other person might not feel the same way. It's simply the way we're engineered as human beings—we don't always match up.
I wish you a lot of courage. You deserve to love, be loved, and be respected. Being a minority is sometimes hard, but it also has unique gifts that the boring majority will never be able to receive. Have a look at the Twenty 10 website. They have some great tips and resources.