I feel like i'm like disconnected from my emotions. Can it actually happen or am i just being stupid?
I don't really know what my question is because i'm kind a confused but here goes: Um so i feel like i'm like disconnected from my emotions (for lack of a better description because i don't really know what i'm saying). I kind of just ignore any emotions i feel for anything, obviously not fully because i am human—i still feel and experience things—but i just don't acknowledge it or something. I don't care; i just ignore how i feel. I suppose then i don't have to face certain things sometimes but i know it's all deep inside somewhere all culminating.
I mean nothing really bad has happened to me, just the normal i suppose: parents divorced, been bullied, siblings moved away and other stuff you know, just that kind of thing, nothing bad.
I just don't care about myself, i care about others and the way they feel and just want to make them happy and whatnot. And even now when even if i still don't care i realise that even if it's just me knowing how i feel, it's sometimes good to acknowledge that and when i'm meant to tell people how i feel about things which i don't like doing anyway but have to i suppose.
I just don't know, or i don't know why i feel a certain way, but, as weird as it probably sounds, i just don't know. I suppose i am just wondering. Well as you can see i am kind of confused and another perspective would be good i guess, i don't know.
Does what i'm saying make sense? Can it actually happen or am i just being stupid? What am i meant to do? Thanks.
Hi, I'm so glad you wrote in.
First of all, I'd like to say that you are not being stupid at all. In fact, you make a lot of sense. Perhaps that's something that happens when you start writing things down. You seem to be really good at that. In fact, I'm sure that if you started doing some writing on a regular (maybe daily?) basis, you would be a lot clearer about how you feel, what you think, and what's going on for you in general. You could write in a diary, blog, or pretend that you're writing to a good friend.
Feeling disconnected from emotions is absolutely normal. They are really hard things to understand. Emotions are highly complex. They give us direction, subtle hints about what we like and dislike, and what we would prefer to happen. They are certainly worth paying attention to.
The thing is, often our busy lives and the "get on with the job" attitude in our society tends to stop us from listening to our emotions. So, we work and play very busily, and push our feelings down—we hide them from ourselves. It's like we bury them, inside us.
After a while, we have developed such a good habit of burying our feelings that we automatically bury them as soon as they come up. It's like we become only "acting" humans, instead of humans who feel and act—the full human experience.
Extreme cases of this can be seen in the military, where humans are forced to be more like robots. In the army, there is also a more serious kind of disconnect from emotions that happens when people have to deal with intense stress and get a terrible shock.
If you have had a really unpleasant thing happen to you in your life, like being abused, raped, or a bad accident, your body has an automatic safety mechanism that helps you shut off from emotions that are extreme, and just too much to deal with all at once. Sometimes, complex and strong emotions take time to process. Just like grieving over someone who dies or leaves you—this can take a long time.
If you have become disconnected from your emotions, this can become a problem. You will miss out on the rich information that emotions give you. It's like losing your inner compass, and it's important to find this again. Also, if you have a lot of emotions that you have buried inside, they can build up pressure and force their way out. Usually this happens when too much stress inside pushes us to get into fights with others, often over something quite small. If we ignore our emotions too long, they can also turn into mental health problems like anxiety or depression.
It's really important for everyone to learn their own emotions, in their own way. Your experience is unique, special and different from others, even though it might have some similarities.
You mentioned that your parents are divorced. And you're being bullied. And your siblings moved away (left you by yourself?). And other stuff! Well, that's a lot of unpleasant stuff to deal with, to say the least! I wouldn't be surprised if you felt confused. You're not a super hero, and that's a lot to cope with, let alone make sense of.
I would really encourage you to try seeing a counsellor to talk about this. Someone you can trust, who will understand you, and help you find clarity. It can be really empowering to talk it out and choose your own perspective. Good places to start are with a school counsellor, asking your doctor to see a psychologist, or calling Kids Helpline (details below).
I hope you keep writing about your experience, and find someone good to talk to. Best wishes.