I'm pregnant and sick atm. He treats me like shit now. What do i do about him?
Hey i'm 17 and i'm 19 weeks pregnant. My bf always wanted a baby and when he found out i was pregnant he was really excited but since the last 2 months he seems like he couldn't care less. He never wants to see me or spend time with me now. He also treats me like shit now. He hardly seems interested in me.
I've tried talking to him but whenever i do we just get into arguments and he just stresses me out. I don't know what i'm doing wrong as all I've tried to do was be with him. He says he's always going to change but i have already given him so many chances and he just gets worse. All my family and friends can see how bad he treats me and don't like him now. He seems like all he wants to do is be a part of the baby's life and not mine as he wants to come to all my scans or appointments for baby, but he never asks me how i am or makes an effort to see me.
I broke up with him a couple of weeks ago as he didn't make me happy anymore. We still talk sometimes (but not much). Since then he's become a lot worse to me. He and his mum were supposed to be coming too my 20 week scan soon as we decided this ages ago, but i told him the other day he couldn't come because why should he come to something good like a scan when he can't even be there for me?
I'm pregnant and sick atm. Am i doing the wrong thing by not letting them come now????? And what do i do about him???? I'm so stressed and confused.
Thanks for your question. It sounds like things are really hard for you right now.
Having a baby can be an overwhelming time in your life and it's hard when people around you are causing you stress.
Breaking up with the father of your baby was an incredibly brave decision. You could clearly see that trying to maintain a relationship with him was causing you pain, but you now need to work out what involvement you want him to have in this baby's life.
While the relationship has not worked out as hoped, I think it's great that he is still expressing an interest in being involved in the child's life. In trying to work out what to do about your upcoming ultrasound, it may be best to try and put your own feelings aside and try to think about what you want for the baby.
Do you want the baby to have a dad who is interested and involved? If so, then you may need to make space for your own negative feelings towards him and allow him to be there for the sake of your baby and his relationship with it. You may decide that you no longer want his mum there as well as him, and either way that is okay. If it feels too hard for you to allow him to be with you at the scan, you may want to also take a friend or family member in with you to help provide you with some support.
The pressure of scans and tests can make it feel like you need to make a quick decision about your entire future, but it's important that you take your time to work out what you really want from him as a father. To do this, you're going to need some time first of all to deal with the end of your relationship and come to terms with the loss of him as a boyfriend.
Maybe once you have had your scan, it might be helpful to take a break from any contact with him for a while—let him know why you need to take the space and reassure him that you'll get in touch again in a month or 2 to let him know how the pregnancy and baby are going. Time may be all you need to feel clearer about what you want.
In the meantime, make sure you talk to friends and family who can offer you support. If you're feeling isolated, maybe talk to your midwife or doctor about finding a counsellor who can help you deal with these complex issues.