I'm too embarrassed to have an orgasm in front of him. Is this normal?
Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 6 months now, and he is performing oral sex on me quite regularly. I enjoy it and find it pleasurable but i'm too embarrassed to have an orgasm in front of him. Is this normal?
Hi, and thanks for your question. Intimacy, including sex, can be quite an intimidating and sometimes embarrassing thing. Feeling nervous about showing your partner how you feel about things can be normal. But, a big part of sex is about pleasure and if you are too embarrassed to be feeling pleasure, this might be something that you want to examine.
Pleasure isn't necessarily the only reason why people have sex, or do sexual things together. Some do these things for intimacy, for love, because of peer pressure, to feel like they belong, or even because they're bored. Despite popular opinion, orgasm is not a compulsory part of sex for males or for females. Many people gain pleasure and intimacy from doing sexual things, without reaching orgasm. If this is your aim in your sexual activity then your situation is fine. But, if you would prefer to be reaching orgasm with your partner, then you might have to do something about this situation. I'm going to say right now that it looks, from what you wrote, as though this situation does bother you so here are a few tips on how you might resolve this.
It might help to ask yourself a few questions. Why are you having oral sex with your boyfriend? Most of the time being sexual is about pleasure, combined also with intimacy and partnership and a few other things. Are you getting what you want to out of this sexual partnership? If not, what is it that you would like to be receiving, that you aren't?
It might help for you to look at why you don't feel comfortable having an orgasm in front of him. Are you worried about how he might react, or are you embarrassed about how you look when you orgasm, or is it something else? Do you feel that you don't deserve to orgasm, or that it's not the "right" thing to do, or that it's a self-esteem thing? Whatever reason it is that you have for being embarrassed is okay. But, the fact that you don't seem to be comfortable talking about this is something that you might like to work on.
Everybody deserves, and has the right, to feel comfortable and safe in both their sexual and non-sexual relationships. This includes being comfortable to communicate what you like and don't like, what you want and don't want, and what you're comfortable and not comfortable with. Ensuring that you're comfortable takes communication. Have you tried talking to your boyfriend about this issue? Many people are embarrassed during sex—being naked (or semi-naked) and vulnerable can be a pretty intimidating thing. Whilst it's embarrassing, a big part of a healthy sexual relationship (whether it's sexual intercourse or oral sex or something else) is trust and communication. Without these it's very hard to make sure that both partners are getting what they want to out of it. Communicating about the relationship, and about the sexual activities that you do together, will help to make sure that you have an open and honest relationship.
What this comes down to is your comfort. If you're not comfortable doing something, then you don't have to do it. But, if an orgasm is something that you want to have with your boyfriend then talking about it is the best option.
There are a lot of things for you to think about here, and I've given you a few links (below) for more to read about. If you're still confused, you might find it helpful to talk to somebody confidentially at your local youth-friendly health service. Whatever you decide to do, I hope that the situation that you choose is one where you feel comfortable, one where you feel safe, and one where you're able to enjoy yourself without worrying. Take care and good luck.