Every time i look in the mirror i hate myself and cry. I want to stop but i don't know how.
I am a 15 year old girl and i hate my body to the extent where i make myself sick. Every time i am out i am scared of what people will think of me. I tend to wear baggy clothes because i hate the way i look.
My boyfriend dumped me a few months and i feel as though it was because of my weight. So i stopped eating and lost a lot but i have gained it all plus more back since then.
I don't know what to do. I have my formal in a few months and i am terrified of what people would think of me in a dress. I weigh 65 kgs and i'm about 168 cm tall. I know it's bad to think like that—i shouldn't be concerned with how i look or how people may judge me—but every time i look in the mirror i hate myself and cry. It's pitiful but i can't help it. I want to make it stop but i don't know how.
Thanks for writing in. It sounds like you are feeling distressed about how your body looks and this is really upsetting you.
The way we think we look can be really important to our self-esteem and confidence. I guess that because you hate yourself and cry after looking in the mirror, your self-esteem is pretty low at the moment. But you can change this around, though it will take a little bit of time and also some practice. The following things may help.
It would be really useful if you could talk to a professional about this situation and your feelings. Having someone to talk to can really help. Is there a counsellor at your school or local health centre that you can talk to? If not, your doctor can refer you to someone. I think it is also important to see a doctor anyway because you said you are making yourself sick. They can do a check up to make sure you are healthy and there is nothing else going on.
Having a healthy eating plan is another thing you can do. You said you lost weight and then put it back on, which is what usually happens when someone tries to lose weight quickly. Keeping a healthy weight (which you have already 
) is a long term thing and eating sensibly and doing regular exercise is the way to do this.
You said that you are terrified of what people will think of you. Have other people told you or given you messages about how you look? You feel that your boyfriend broke up with you because of your weight. I would say that if that is true he wasn't much of a boyfriend. What's inside is more important than what we look like. We need to feel comfortable in the skin we are in and that is where positive and helpful thinking comes into it. Do you judge the way other people look as harshly as you judge yourself? I wonder why you do this to yourself?
Try not to be influenced by what other people say about you. Other people's opinions about our bodies are not always helpful and can hurt our feelings. The next time you feel scared that people are judging you, I wonder what could be a positive thing you can say to yourself? Maybe something like, "I am the right shape for me. Who made them the body police?"
Try to build your confidence so that you don't care what people may think of how you look. If we are comfortable with who we are, that is what matters.
I think it's also important to remember that at 15 your body is changing as you develop, and things do become curvier. Try not to compare yourself with models or pictures of people in the media. It is more realistic to compare yourself with every third person on the street than with the people shown on TV or in movies and magazines.
It would be great if you could go to the formal because they are not just about the dresses but also about having a fun time with your friends. So, take care and I hope you have a great time!
